Lost and Found
At one time or another, everyone loses something.
We lose loved ones. We lose our health. We lose our glasses. We lose our memories. We lose our money. We lose our keys. We lose our socks. We lose life itself. We have to come to terms with this reality. Sooner or later, all is lost; we just don’t know when it will happen.
“Loss is a fact of life. Impermanence is everywhere we look. We are all going to suffer our losses. How we deal with these losses is what makes all the difference. For it is not what happens to us that determines our character, our experience, our karma, and our destiny, but how we relate to what happens.” Lama Surya Das
A few years ago I wrote about this topic on a crazy morning when I couldn’t seem to find the most obvious things I needed: keys; gloves; glasses; jacket; my black shoes. And this was all before breakfast. Clearly, I had gone to bed the night before in a frazzled state.
Truth is, what I had misplaced was minor and simply inconvenient compared to the losses of the really tough stuff. But the other truth is when we get better at not losing our cool over these little things we build habits that will serve us well when we are hit with major losses in life.
The reason I was stressed was being in a rush.
And it was also due to not putting those items where they belonged the night before. Once we start rushing and are concerned about being late we get stressed. When we get stressed it is harder to remember. This isn’t just my opinion, rather, it is a well-researched topic in the field of neuroscience and psychology. Dr. Heather Palmer, PhD in Neuropsychology has worked with seniors and with people going through chemotherapy about what she refers to as brain fog.
Brain fog is a type of loss that we all fear, although I notice my grandkids, have no qualms at all about losing gloves, forgetting backpacks etc.
And sometimes we find what we lost
I’m a good finder, as my family will attest because when something goes missing and it is not where it should be, I look in the places where it would ordinarily not be. Plus, I’m persistent. And I am so grateful that my watch, ring, keys, etc have not vanished. I had misplaced them and I have them back.
What a surprise to be found
However, last week I experienced a different kind of finding and losing. I was found, by an old friend, whom I had considered permanently lost. Imagine my surprise, to open an email from my website and learn that it was written by a childhood friend. The dearest of unforgettable friends, who was in my life only from the ages of 11-15. It was an unexpected finding that included a loss that I hadn’t fully realized. (if that makes sense)
I am so often surprised by the beneficence of others. In this case, it was a trail of breadcrumbs involving an obituary sent to X, who when he read it was reminded of my family and went searching. And because of his efforts, he discovered my website and asked his Aunt, if this was “our Trudy Boyle.”
Taking Action
And his Aunt, my old, dear friend, wrote to me. And what was lost was found, after more than 60 years.
I tell you this story because it was such a surprise and so deeply moving for me. And once again, a reminder about taking action. We honestly never know where one curious thought might lead and what delight it may uncover for someone else. So I thank my friend’s dear nephew for taking the trouble to turn over a few stones to see what might turn up.
Human beings need each other. We are wired for connection. And we cannot count on tomorrow. Today, the present moment is the only moment we can confidently act from. Let’s continue to live with our curious, flexible, and loving minds along with our outstretched arms. And perhaps, when you have a sudden thought of someone from your past, you might even follow up on it. These special gifts that arrive “out of the blue,” may seem ordinary and simple. But for meaning-makers like myself, they are treasures.
Notes
1:) On the topic of finding, I had another surprise, from long long ago. Last summer, in New Brunswick, my granddaughter overheard me speaking about going to camp in the summer, and for 25 cents I could buy, at the canteen, (after what seemed to be an endless hike) one small bottle of Lime Ricky, one Jersey Milk chocolate bar, and one small bag of chips. The thought of such bounty for one quarter astonished her but it didn’t stop there. Since that conversation, without my knowledge, she was on the hunt for a Lime Ricky, even though I don’t drink any kind of soda pop. To my surprise, she found one and presented me with it on Thanksgiving. (quietly and behind the scene) So, of course, I was going to drink it and share it with her. And with that first sip, a cascade of memories flooded my being of hot, long, and delightful summer days from my childhood.) Thank you, Sophie.
2:) This epic Playing for Change video was the result of two years of work across ten countries. The Weight with Robbie Robinson. It’s possible I posted this link a few years ago but I enjoy it every time I listen.
3:) Thank you for stopping by and reading these musings. I hope you find precious people in your own lives whom you may have lost too. Or they find you. Warmest wishes, Trudy
Thank you, my friend for another uplifting and positive message. The music was a plus!
Hi dear Karen: thank you for your sweet note and I’m glad you liked the music. I was also thinking about how I can so easily lose track of things I plan to do and and want to do.Yet, it’s important to never throw sticks at our own heart, as Rumi says, and to never let go of the frayed and golden thread that winds it’s way through our lives. With love, Trudy
I checked one time with Ms. Google how much time we spend each year looking for things. She said about 2.5 days. I am well above the average! Thanks as always for encouraging me to reflect.
Hugs xxx
Sheila!!!what a delight. I wonder where in the world you woke up this morning.As a seasoned traveller I wonder how you keep track of everything, since the consequences of lost could be a little more serious. You will laugh at this story. Yesterday I was at my book club and not only did I leave my jacket there my friend Ann brought it home to me, and hung it up in the foyer. I didn’t even know I had lost anything and that it had been found and returned while I remained happily oblivious.
Safe travels and continue to enjoy all the wonderful people you meet. Big hugs.
Smiled all the way through this one,Trudy. My active mind seeing it played out – meaning maker…..that is it, this phrase. Yes. I am a meaning maker, and one of my happiest pursuits..the lime Ricky soda. Most people don’t even remember. My flashbacks were that I was nine and my sister was six. We lived in Calgary and I would have to take her hand. with Mom at work, and run to a very busy street, into a drugstore, and get a large bottle for my father. Yikes! I can still see the bits of lime in the bottom. So, today,I found a lost memory and I am smiling at those two little girls conquering their fears and doing it anyway. Something that continues to serve me today. Thank you, my friend.
Hi Jean:I loved reading your note and thinking of you two little girls scurrying along the street getting lime Ricky of all things. Keep on keeping on in your bold, gentle and courageous way. As always, Trudy
What a delightful tale of lost and found, so rare when we speak of old friends, happy for you. xoxox
Thanks Dear Janice, my poet friend. Warmly, Trudy
Another lovely thoughtful post , Trudy.
Big fan of The Weight and RR.
Do everything in my power not to rush.
I even started this when I eat I just eat I don’t read I don’t watch TV I sit in a chair and look out the window. Slowing down give me more opportunities to pause❤
Thank you Kathryn. I love this video, one of my favourites, and also a fan of “Playing for Change.” Glad you like it too. Thanks for the reminder of mindful eating, and slowing down in general. I always appreciate your notes. Warm wishes, Trudy
Thank you Trudy for this uplifting and illuminating post.
I’ve been listening lately to old Cat Stevens albums, and have been flooded with memories of the hopes and dreams of my teenage years. I thought many of them had faded, but my heart tells me I’m wrong… it’s never too late!
And now I’m going to listen to that wonderful recording of The Weight which I’d forgotten about!
Love, Diane
Thanks for your musings Diane. I recently played a Cat Stevens recording at a webinar. Music is a wonderful memory generator. I’m happy to hear you are revisiting your dreams. One foot in front of the other. What have you got to lose??big hugs, Trudy
Thank you for another meaningful and thoughtful post. What a lovely surprise to rediscover an old friend.
Hugs being sent your way.
Thank you, Teresa. Such an unexpected, out-of-the-blue, gift. Big hugs your way too, Trudy