What Our Readers Have to Say

I heard from several of our readers this past week with important and interesting  musings on limitations, living a long time and the differences between men and women. I love what they had to say and I think many of you will be intrigued, inspired and curious. For instance, let’s start with one of our oldest readers, in her 90’s. She is a prime example of a mindset that basically says I can mange this and  I will enjoy everyday.

The beautiful way she wrote is truly a prose poem and I am so grateful for her wonderful example.

Thank you for sharing your wisdom with all of us. Inviting us to do our best for as long as possible. That is great.

As I live a long time, all my old hobbies had to be let go.
For me, it meant learning to cope happily with walking sticks.
Then walkers.
Then a wheelchair…
now I cannot walk a step – my wheelchair takes me to bed, to the toilet, and I have the help of a pole.
Each time I make it, I feel like a hero. It must look hilarious, not being able to stand and trying to get your trousers down.

I had to change my whole outlook.
When I got the walker, from the frustration of having to lift it in the car and barely being able to do it.
To writing a poem to my walker, thanking it for the freedom it brought me. I managed to see sunrises, sunsets.
I could sit on it and play in the snow.
Drawing hearts…
Walking heart…
It was a lot of fun.

I felt at first like a prisoner in my wheelchair.
Now it has a name – it is called E Express…
and I manage to play in the rain puddles, for the first time in my life…
I am driving in circles in the puddle, making a figure 8…
In my nineties, I don’t care what people think, I am having fun!

But I sure had to change my attitude.
Same with hobbies. My chance to take beautiful photos is now over.
But I can still take photos of my weeds, dandelions who I love.
I just can’t get as close as I used to.

For me, it is all about adapting with each new situation.

I still smile and I’m gratefully happy for my wheelchair.

I am in awe of this writer’s resilience, good nature and desire for life. She epitomizes the nuanced meaning of Dr Shoma Morita’s aspiration, “everyday is the best day.”

A younger reader had a little rant about superagers.

She posted this in the comments but most of you would not have seen it.

Thanks Trudy! Both this week and last week really hit a cord for me. I have felt incredibly irked lately constantly running into advice about superagers and feeling incompetent as a facilitator that I can’t make it so simple for the people I work with. It’s as if you are an idiot if you can’t summarize all teaching into three simple steps that will work for everyone instantaneously. And who is this advice for anyways? If we are having a down day or are living with illness, already clearly we’ve missed the boat!

Anyways, now I’m ranting, but I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all the wonderful advice you share with us and at the same time your sensitivity to your audience. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, maybe we should be searching for advice from the mediocre ager.

The most practical advice I’ve gotten lately is watching this piece on artist Doris McCarthy’s life at home in fool’s paradise.(note from me – I thoroughly enjoyed meeting this engaging woman thanks to this video.  I do confess, however, nothing mediocre about Doris McCarthy, yet wonderfully ordinary too.)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8MDG_k6LAg.

Thank you Emma and I love “mediocre ager,” as I can see that shoe fits for me.  We live in a world of wealth and fame and there is something freeing about just being ordinary.

Last but not least I want to post Dr. Matt Cohen’s comment on one difference between men and women as they age.

Hi Folks, I am enjoying Trudy’s blog.. As an 83 year old man, I find it interesting and a bit sad to see how different most men and women approach and deal with aging. I go to my gym to an exercise class for elders; there are about 80 women there and two guys. Same as many Senior gatherings. Women are comfortable sharing their truths and getting support from other women. Sadly most men seem to withdraw when adversity occurs. Perhaps this is changing in younger generations. Fortunately, I have a few old buddies still kicking, but reaching out to new guys on a friendship level is tough getting someone who is open to new friendship. My wife has it much easier. Women seek out support and engagement. Hopefully, this will change with new generations of men. In meantime, I keep trying… That’s what we all, of course, need to do…

My reponse is a question, in particular, to the men who read this blog

First of all, it was a lovely surprise to receive this thoughtful comment. It got me thinking…I have certainly noticed the difference in how men and women face an illness like cancer but I didn’t think that was the case for the gym. I wonder if it is just the gym or is it walking and hiking too. And is it because of the word, elders? I do think this will change when I observe my adult children, now in their mid 50’s, along with their friends. They certainly take exercise and fitness training seriously.Yet, when the time comes for all of us to face our limitations due to living a long time will we choose to do the things we still can do, or, do we call it quits and sit on the couch when we still could “walk a block.”

Always be aware that not one size fits all. We all have different limitations so it is never about being an “action figure, ” rather, doing what my mother called, “her part.” It would be great to hear from some men who have lived a long time and hear what they do to keep moving and socializing. No pressure, dear readers, I’m now curious so if you would like to chime in you are so welcome to do so.

French novelist Gustave Flaubert on happiness:

“The secret of being happy consists of knowing how to enjoy yourself—enjoy being at table, in bed, enjoy standing up, sitting down, enjoy the nearest ray of sunshine, the slightest bit of landscape: in other words, love everything.” Source: His private notebook, Souvenirs, written from 1838–1841. Thanks to James Clear, author of Atomic Habits

Notes:

1. I love this question from Adam Grant, Psychologist and author who  shares a question for sparking better conversation…”When you meet someone new, don’t ask: What do you do? It limits what people share about themselves to a job description. Instead, try: What do you love to do? It ignites curiosity and invites people to express their distinctive interests.”
2. A song from the album Beyond the Missouri Sky with Pat Metheny and Charlie Haden  The Moon Is a Harsh Mistress. I hope you enjoy it.
3. Thank you Gottfried for spotting the orcas on the weekend. Always so totally awesome when you see them close by.
4. And this really is the last poppy. They just keep blooming this year. Thanks to Rob.
5. Now it is time to say good night. A know too many people suffering right now and I have no magic wand or pill or prescription to make it all go away. I do want to remind you to play an active role in your own treatment right along side your medical team.  It all takes time and it isn’t easy. However, may you find something everyday that lifts your spirits and do that. The small things count. The people you spend time with counts. Enjoy the outdoors whenever possible and ask for a hand when you need it. And always remember to take a non judgemental attitude towards yourself.A little tenderness rather than criticism goes along way. Thank you for stopping by and I send my appreciation and all my best wishes. Warmly, Trudy