During my road trip I encountered these signs multiple times – Temporary Markings – drive with care – and I thought of how relevant they are to my daily life. Really, it is all temporary, and things can change from one minute to the next. Still we continue to be surprised. I have never forgotten the large sign at the front of a bus in Japan. As I settled into my seat it caught my attention -“Substantial delays sometimes happen from road conditions and weather so please accept it beforehand.”

In other words, prepare for delays. It doesn’t mean like it. it means this is what can happen, so stay alert and aware and adapt accordingly.

As much as I  know this intellectually, I am always caught off guard when someone dies, especially someone younger than me and especially someone with no risk factors. Like everyone else, I say things like “he was in perfect health, active, passionate about living, how does this happen?” And I know better than asking such a question. I have lots of experience in knowing that we can’t prevent anything no matter how many blueberries we eat, and I even have a list of X-rated words that includes the word prevent.

Doing everything right does not prevent illness or death. We all live with uncertainty and learning to co-exist with our finite lives is a skill worth cultivating. When I say “doing things right does not prevent an illness,”  I do not mean that it’s not important to do our part. When we do a reasonable job with the basics it improves the quality of our everyday lives and that is hugely important. It also reduces our risk for certain diseases and it ups our chance of staying healthy. Even more, if we do get a serious illness and don’t have other comorbidities, it can reduce side effects from treatment and improve the treatment outcomes as well. So don’t give up good choices, but do understand it does not prevent anything.

I must add, for new readers that the big reason I don’t like,  “do this and this and this …and you will prevent cancer or heart disease” etc is that it is not true but people believe it and it becomes a blaming word when someone is diagnosed with a serious illness. And I consider that a tragedy. Not only are you faced with a serious illness but you get blamed for it.

Consequently, I admire Dr. Morita Shoma’s approach to life as it embodies Salutogeneis.

The word salutogenesis comes from the Latin salus (meaning health) and the Greek genesis (meaning origin). The word originally caught my eye a few years ago in an article by Nigel Crisp, in Prospect Magazine,  How Aristotle Can Teach Us  to Build a Better Society:

“There is a long (but often neglected) western tradition of interest in salutogenesis, the origins of health, which is concerned with understanding the causes of health as opposed to pathogenesis, the origins of disease. This is in some ways the precursor to what is today called “social prescribing,” an approach which sees clinicians prescribe gardening, swimming, drawing, painting, doodling, singing and other activities instead of (only)pharmaceuticals, making use of the health-creating benefits of each. This is not about prevention of disease but the creation of health—the causes of health not the causes of disease. It takes the positive, not the negative approach to creating the conditions for people to be healthy.”

Dr. Jinroh Itami, the founder of Ikigai Ryoho, and the basis of my work Living Fully/Well with Illness, was a visionary over 40 years ago when he recognized that his metastatic cancer patients needed more than chemo, radiation and surgery. They needed activities that brought them joy, that made them laugh and made their lives meaningful. They needed a reason to get up in the morning beyond their medical and work appointments. And so he prescribed drawing lessons, flower arranging, hiking, Haiku and painting. Creative activities along with health promoting guidelines and humour that we might enjoy our lives even with illness, and that gives us a mental break.

Everything Changes – Nothing Stays the Same

The fact that all is temporary is not a curse. Think about when we are struggling and we can’t imagine feeling any different. And yet that changes too. Nothing lasts forever and often that feels like a gift. Life is a great mystery, a wondrous catastrophe according to some that contains everything – full of possibilities for change, for love, for joy, for beauty, for sorrow, for purpose, for meaning and for connections.

Things as they are. To be with things as they are, not passively, not lying down and allowing the world to walk over us. Rather to pay attention to the world we live in, with all of its spendour and all of its sorrow, and not to lose sight of  the people, the preciousness of this day and this moment and the opportunity to lend a hand right now.

Impermanence need not be depressing; rather the other side of that coin is desire for life. When we remember, we can take steps right now, today, to right a wrong, enjoy the early autumn foliage, laugh, tell someone we love them, scribble a few words, and not put important plans including our precious lives on hold.

Let’s sing while there is voice left.

Notes

1) The long weekend in Montreal at the Road World Championships, was a wonderful experience – the cyclists that travel at warp speed, the people from all over the world, our own in-house guides who knew the riders, their quirks and strengths, and names- made it all that much more interesting. Thank you Rob and Allison. Such a fun family time. And of course Montreal was a fabulous host city with near perfect weather for the entire time. And everyday starting off the morning at Olive et Gourmand in old Montreal. My absolute favourite.

2) The Temporary Markings were all over Montreal this past week with over 1000 elite cyclists, from 100 different countries and 500,000 plus spectators, over the 8 day duration. A fun and unique opportunity for recreational cyclists was the chance for 6000 of them to ride the completely closed official course right before the professional events began. If you don’t mind crowds it was great people watching and lots of smiles and shared  cheers. Cyclists overall are a good natured group to spend time with.

3) Reminder that I am teaching a program at the ToDo Institute for the month of October with Kate Karius, my friend and colleague from Switzerland. Here is a link for more information and to register. Everyone is welcome. Living Fully with Illness

4) I feel so lucky to have you following along, dear readers, and for your company as we make our way along the ordinary days of living. Thank you! With so much appreciation and gratitude. I hope this finds you doing well enough and finding moments of joy and beauty everyday. Warmest wishes to you all, Trudy

PS My two favourite riders who cycled from Ottawa to Montreal last Thursday 207 KM in under 8 hours. Tired and on cloud 9. My favourite woodpecker from Gabriola Island (thanks Gottfried) and of course the Peloton – the under 23’s if I recall correctly. Thanks Meghan for the photo. Oh yes, Rowan on the right looking at the St, Lawrence.

Just for today

“Taking in the good, whenever and wherever we find it, gives us new eyes for seeing and living.” – Author: Krista Tippett. The On Being Project

When we get caught in a rut and become discouraged and demoralized with ourselves, it is no simple matter to talk, think, or climb our way out of it. When we hold all the aces it can be “relatively” easy to brush ourselves off and start again. But if we are suffering from devastating news and one loss after another, it is a different matter. Many of us know what to do, or what we could be doing, (there is no shortage of information) but there are days when we can’t rise to the occasion. We don’t even want to. And if we aren’t aware, we can then start chastising ourselves for everything under the sun.

Not everyone loves their birthday and they don’t like getting older. Nothing wrong with that except if we want to stay alive we need to keep having birthdays, which means we will get older.Getting older isn’t a piece of cake no matter what the “influencers” say but it can be a very special time of life.

The Art of Living Every Minute of Your Life

I was thinking about these things in my own life, especially with the shock of opening a card that said Happy 80th Birthday. On the first occurrence, and for a brief moment, I thought of my mother and that this was her card. It was a little surreal. Friends have told me, including my centenarian mother that 80 is unique. When you say it out loud everyone listens up – what? How is that possible? Mom used to say she was never more popular than she was in her 80’s. “I get credit for still breathing she would say jokingly.” As for the gym, when she put her age into the treadmill it barely moved. So she used my age.

We could say things have dramatically changed in 25 years when it comes to ageing but still – there is a difference that I want to honour. For instance, the body needs extra care and attention. (with all due respect to superagers who are not the norm.) I am not a superager yet I do have a lot of energy and lead a very active live.  However, this body is not the same as it was ten or even five years ago. I run out of steam earlier, and when I notice I put my feet up and doze off. There are more things that can go awry the longer we live. This is inevitable.

I have loved, for decades, this tiny poem by May Sarton:

Friend or Enemy

I can look
At my body
As an old friend
Who needs my help,
Or an enemy
Who frustrates me
In every way
with its frailty
And inability to cope.

Old friend,
I shall try
To be of comfort to you

To the end. –May Sarton

As you may expect I am interested in the wonders of ordinary living at 80 and beyond. What does it look like? What do I no longer want to do? What do I want to do more of? And what might I regret not having done when my expiry date turns up? How will I face my own losses which will inevitably continue? This year two irreplaceable friends died; one much younger than me.

My car went to the dustbin shortly before my birthday and I am far from certain about replacing it. I also recognize that I don’t have to have a car, and I will be experimenting with a community car sharing opportunity in my city. There are several downsides to this, mostly inconvenience but why not “try see.”

One very big difference I have noticed for the last ten years is the number of friends who have a wide variety of health issues that require medical care of some kind. And the generous response of others who are there to lend a hand. This all takes time and it seems to me we need to build in time to be available for those in need. And hopefully we  are no longer striving to achieve one goal after another. In this past year I have six friends younger than me all with hearing aids now.

We can look at hearing loss two ways – the failure of our body to keep up with our age or the fact that hearing loss seems to be common and we have hearing aids on the market that can allow us to hear, even though it may not be as good as we would like.

I should mention my bias  here- I am not interested in the fanfare around living to be 150 or not dying at all. I think it would be a grave (pun intended) mistake for humanity. I have a strong desire for life but not at all costs. I am interested in the natural ageing process for myself and ordinary people. I have a sense that it can be a very special time in this life journey of ours. How do we all deal with loss, pain and suffering, unbelievable joy, laughter, purpose, love, grief, family, relationships, taking risks, traveling, our interior lives…how do we let go of possessions  younger people no longer want.

Do we lose sleep over what we can do nothing about? Or do we remind ourselves that we will have a better day if we focus on things we can do something about? Can we relax into a mindset that says I don’t need to fix the world, my adult kids, my neighbours, friends or the grandchildren, (well they are close to perfect haha) And perhaps turn our attention to the heart’s longings of beauty, art, writing, languages, travel while we can, music or a particular cause that we are passionate about, rather than scattering our limited energy over the entire world.

We are all different and we have more freedom to focus on what matters most while we are still breathing.

Maybe you want to join me in answering this question which is often prompted because of illness and ageing. It’s like we get a wake up call.

What matters?

Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen suggests that these kinds of defining moments prompt us to “think more deeply about things and ask ourselves questions like: What’s important? What really matters? How do I want to spend my time, my money, my energy? How do I live more deliberately according to the things that are important to me? Just a very simple two-word question—”What matters?”—can change your life and the lives of people around you.”

There is a plethora of information out there about health, wellness and ageing. Some of it is good. Much of it undermines our common sense. If we pay attention to our own experiences with a curious and open mind we can discover for ourselves what is important. And then we can be bold and brave and do new things, try things out,  not because it is “supposed” to help us but because we can experience the joy of becoming our own researchers, in our own lives.

Hey this matters for me and that doesn’t. No big deal. We are all different and that is what makes it so fascinating to be a human being in a highly imperfect world. Let’s wish each other good luck and jump into our lives at every stage. Positive thinking not necessary. Cynicism increases suffering. Reality itself is a great teacher when we notice.

Thank you for taking the time to read these musings. A little incoherent but we will see where this goes.

Have a wonderful weekend wherever you are. Warmest appreciation, Trudy

Something I read today that resonates with me from Kate Bowler’s new book Joyful Anyway: She is offering a promise to a dear friend who is grieving for her mother who  died suddenly and shortly after her daughter’s happiest day -her wedding. In Kate’s style she prefaces her promise with the fact that no reasonable person would ever make a promise like this but she goes for it anyway. “You will never be cured of this grief, it’s true. But you will be joyful, anyway, I promise.” 

In spite of it all, joy will still break through. It is like spring time in the garden where the force of aliveness cannot be contained. Like Kate, I swear by it.

PS Banner photo is 26 “Yellow Legs,” in Vancouver. Thanks to my son Rob.  The Japanese anemone I took in the fall a few years ago.

Road trip update

You can step across a babbling brook, jump over a creek, wade across a stream, and go rafting in a river. Of course, these terms are somewhat interchangeable and go by different names in different geographic areas.

During my first nine days of solo travel, I have done my best to avoid the Trans Canada Highway and instead travel on the “old roads,” as I am wont to say. In Nova Scotia, they still refer to these roads as Trunk Roads, which means the roads that existed before the 100 series of arterial freeways.

I am warming up to belabour this a little more as I have been asking locals where the word Trunk came from. And not surprisingly, it comes from a tree analogy. A trunk road, at that time, was the primary central route for long-distance driving, and all the smaller local roads (branches) were supported by that main trunk road.

Furthermore, the name originated in the British Empire – most famously the Grand Trunk Road in India. The term Trunk was also used by railways (the main line between major cities) and telecommunications (trunk calls were long distance phone calls and calls connecting different networks).

All of this to say that I love these old roads, especially because of the variety and abundance of flowing water and bridges along with the babbling brooks and streams that often run alongside. Not to mention the rolling hills, grassy knolls, and wide swaths of meadows. A storybook road trip.

Surprises

Something I did not expect was the absence of traffic. Not only was I driving solo, but I was also often solo on these old highways. Miles at a time and not another car in sight – even on the Cabot Trail, a prime tourist attraction. The reason is that not just Ottawa schools but most districts started school this week because Labour Day was so late.

This was lucky for me, as I do not really like driving. And yes, the irony of my taking an estimated 4000 KM (2500 mile) trip makes no sense. However, it made sense to me because I wanted to visit the land of my childhood, visit friends and family along the way and reflect on my life with my 80-year-old eyes and heart.

In short, it has been a joy filled experience with the natural ups and downs along the way both figuratively and literally. Many of the old roads are like a small-scale rollercoaster, with what we called as children “thrill hills.” We would beg our father to rev the car up those hills and fly down the other side. Of course, those antics were in the days before safety, and we lived to talk about it.

I have arrived safely back in Hampton, NB and will enjoy this weekend before leaving on Monday for the last leg, over two days, back to Ottawa.

My experience verifies, once again, what Dr. Itami would remind his patients – stretch yourselves physically and mentally. Challenges offer us opportunities to learn, expand our minds and hearts, and take us out of our comfort zones where we benefit with newfound confidence, new ideas, new people, and a renewed sense of joy and aliveness.

Notes

1) When I arrived back in Hampton today a friend of my cousin Sonya (who isn’t here) made a delicious tomato soup for me with tomatoes and basil from Sonya’s garden. It was delicious and especially so with all that thoughtfulness and kindness. Sonya’s friends are gold, and I am the lucky recipient of their generosity.

2) A big thank you to all my family and friends on this trip who hosted and fed me and made me laugh and cry as we embellished stories and family lore and grieved for the loss of loved ones.  A special shout-out to my Aunt Ruth, who just celebrated her 102nd birthday and is bursting with vitality and love of life for everyone who crosses her path. She is truly an inspiration. 

3) Another surprise for me, surprising because it wasn’t planned, is that I had totally silent drives other than the occasional directional messages from Siri. No radio, music, podcasts, or audiobook. Nothing. Just the sound of the road and paying attention to what I was driving through. It was a beautiful break from a world of constant sounds. Not for everyone, but I enjoyed it.

3) I send you all my best wishes that you have what you need and that you don’t lose heart when the going gets tough. May you create small moments of beauty and joy for yourself every day, without fail. Warmly, Trudy

This little graphic is from the now-famous book: The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse by Charlie Mackesy 

An Invitation for this week

Make a list of things that lift your spirits and do one every day.

If at all possible, get outdoors for at least 20 minutes every day -preferably a park, a garden, green space, or near the water.

Look up when it gets dark and see if you can identify a planet, constellation, satellite, and gaze at the moon.

Make a list of people you like who you have not been in contact with and reach out to at least one of them.

Consider the basics:

• Sleep
• Exercise
• Food and water
• The company of others
• A reason to get up in the morning

A Second Invitation

Choose one thing from the basics to focus on this week. Pick the one that needs a little practice and zoom in on what would be of most value to you if you would do that one thing every day. Don’t go overboard. See Examples:

Sleep – Go to bed at the same time every night this week

Food and water – maybe you need more vegetables – add one new vegetable each day to your plate or two extra glasses of water each day if you are not getting enough. It’s up to you.

You get the picture

Whenever we are struggling, whether it is with illness, caregiving, loneliness, or fractured relationships… it is important to see ourselves playing an active role in our own treatment and our own life. Don’t wait for others to solve our problems. Read, research, ask questions – investigate and take action.  Don’t overlook the basics. They appear so obvious and ordinary, yet they are easy to neglect and they play an outsized role in the quality of our everyday life.

Always humor If we orient ourselves towards humor, we can find many opportunities during our day to have a chuckle or a smile. And it simply improves our well-being. It isn’t so much joke telling but more often tender storytelling that makes us smile or laugh.

All of these suggestions can fit into our daily lives. Play with them. Make them your own. Enjoy.See what happens.

NOTES

1:) I Know a Cure for Sadness by Hafiz

“I know a cure for sadness:

Let your hands touch something that makes your eyes smile.

I bet there are a hundred objects close by that can do that.

Look at beauty’s gift to us-

Her power is so great she enlivens

The earth, the sky, our soul.”

3:) Thank you, all of you, for coming by to read these scribbles. I am honoured to have your company. May you not resist the abundance and beauty of summer. As well as the best gelato that you can find.

Warmest wishes, Trudy

PS Photos – the banner photo is from the stairwell going up to the rooftop garden at Vij’s restaurant in Vancouver. If you click on it you can see the beautiful mosaic. It is one of my MOST favourite restaurants. Thanks Rob and Allison. The scrumptious looking tomatoes are the fourth harvest this summer on Gabriola Island. Mediterranean salads everyday. Thanks Gottfried.

PPS Next week I will be on the road travelling east to the Maritimes – along the St Lawrence in Quebec to New Brunswick; PEI; Nova Scotia (in particular my beloved Cabot Trail) And then return. You will hear from me but possibly a day late.

PPPS This is an old updated post that felt right for me tonight.