A small book, Just One Thing, written by neuropsychologist, Rick Hanson, has been on my bookshelf, unread, for ten years. This month, it fell into my lap, so to speak, as I was looking for another title. As I flipped through it, I saw that it was a book of gentle practices and the key point was simple: “how you use your mind changes your brain – for better or worse.”

What I responded to was the simplicity. I like small things and the practices in this book are brief actions. I have already found good stories, practical tips, and a certain restfulness. Right now I am doing my usual, hopping around in the book, taking its temperature.

I jumped in at practice 34 – Don’t Know- by Rick Hanson, PhD Author of Buddha’s Brain

“Once upon a time, a scholar and a saint lived on the same street, and they arranged to meet. The scholar asked the saint about the meaning of life. She said a few words about love and joy, then paused to reflect, and the scholar jumped in with a long discourse on Western and Eastern philosophy. When the scholar was finished, the saint proposed some tea, prepared it with care, and began pouring it slowly into the scholar’s cup. Inch by inch the tea rose. It approached the lip of the cup, and she kept pouring. It ran over the top of the cup and onto the table, and she still kept pouring. The scholar burst out: “What are you doing?! You can’t put more into a cup that’s already full!” The saint set down the teapot and said, “Exactly.”

A mind that’s open and spacious can absorb lots of useful information. On the other hand, a mind that’s already full—of assumptions, beliefs about the intentions of others, and preconceived ideas—misses important details or contexts, jumps to conclusions, and has a hard time learning anything new…the great child psychologist Jean Piaget proposed that there are essentially two kinds of learning:

Assimilation—We incorporate new information into an existing belief system.

Accommodation—We change a belief system based on new information.

Both are important, but accommodation is more fundamental and far-reaching. Nonetheless, it’s harder to do, since abandoning or transforming long-held beliefs can feel dizzying, even frightening. That’s why it’s important to keep finding our way back to that wonderful openness a child has, seeing a cricket or toothbrush or mushroom for the very first time: child mind, beginner’s mind . . . don’t-know mind.”

This commentary is followed by a list of small practices that one can try, pick or choose etc. The first one was my favourite:

“Be especially skeptical of what you’re sure is true. These are the beliefs that often get us in the most trouble.”

I suppose this notion was on my mind tonight because I just finished hosting a monthly Creativity Cafe. One of the participants spoke about how we are all impacted by our cultural conditioning and beliefs, and, by default, respond to a variety of situations through that lens. It reminded me of this idea, “being especially skeptical of what you’re sure is true.” This resonates with me.

Notes:

1:) My son sent me these photos, and my bias, being in a cold and icy part of Canada, was that these pussy willow branches had ice on them. I learned today, because I asked him, that it is simply raindrops. Having spent the last month watching icicles and ice taking shape, where I live, I saw ice. Now, when I look,  I see clearly. The banner photo is an old and favourite photo from Gottfried.

2:) Here is a link to an excellent article and podcast on NPR – Making Art is Good For Your Health. There are three sections: The article; the audio which is different and a set of five flash cards: How to Start An Art Habit.

3:) February is drawing to a close. In my family, it is a month of celebrations that will conclude this weekend with my grandaughters 17th birthday. Also, my daughter had her birthday yesterday.

4:) I hope these days have moments of joy and meaning even as we experience difficult and painful times.  Thank you for stopping by. With great appreciation and warmth, Trudy

We all lead busy lives and if we aren’t careful we can easily neglect our friendships. And guess what. Our friendships and relationships are the most important aspect of our good health and well-being, according to the Harvard Study, now 85 years old.

The current director, Dr Robert Waldinger, claims that back in the 80s most researchers didn’t believe that “warmer relationships make it less likely that you would develop coronary artery disease or arthritis.” Since then many other studies have come out to support the original findings.

Dr Waldinger is so convinced of this fundamental truth that he has written a new book, with Dr Marc Schulz: The Good Life, which focuses mainly on relationships and how to improve them. Naturally, there are many components to good health and even with doing everything right, if we live long enough we will grow old, and suffer from a variety of maladies. Eventually, we will all die.

On Our Death Beds

However, on our death beds, “it is our relationships that matter the most.”

In addition, as Waldinger says:  “although the studies from around the world have their limits…they all show a similar pattern: the more socially connected you are, the more likely you are to live longer and live well.”

“Loneliness is now considered to be as bad for your health as smoking,” says Waldinger.” We know that stress is a part of life. What we think happens is that relationships help our bodies manage and recover from stress.”

He points out that “something as simple as meeting friends for coffee can sustain the relationships…good relationships wither away from neglect. There doesn’t have to be a problem of any kind, but if you don’t keep them up they fall out of your life. We find that the people who maintain vibrant social networks are the people who make an effort.” A walk or a text or a phone call…”these can be tiny actions, but if you do them repeatedly it keeps those networks vibrant.”

I suggest you read the article in The Guardian where these quotes came from. As always the Guardian does an excellent job presenting the work of good people. See the notes.

Relationships

This Blog

I have developed a kinship with readers of this blog, over the past, almost, five years.   Every Wednesday I look forward to sitting down and putting a few thoughts on paper for you. As I do this,  I think of you, dear reader, both the ones I know and the ones I have not met in person. I wonder how you are doing, and I wish you well. There is a connection and you count on me to show up each Wednesday and therefore I do. I find it wonderful and I am grateful to each of you.

Waldinger and Schulz’s book, The Good Life begins with a quote from Mark Twain that is new to me and that I like. So, I will close with the same.

“There isn’t time, so brief is life, for bickering, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that.”

NOTES

1:) The Guardian article where I took my quotes.  Read here. I have been a fan of Waldinger’s works for many years, and I am 116 on the waitlist at my library for The Good Life. I’m not sure if you can read this or listen to the podcast but there is an excellent in depth interview with Waldinger in Tricycle magazine.

2:) The banner photo is taken from the balcony of our friend’s condo in Mt Tremblant, where my daughter took me last week. If you click on the photo you will see the charming scene we got to witness that evening after dinner. It was a glorious 24 hours and I was thoroughly spoiled. Thank you, Meghan, for being the best daughter in the world,  and for the beautiful photo.

3:) The vertical photo I took this afternoon from my friend’s lake house. I took it through a window and was delighted with how it turned out. Two Wednesdays in a row I have had meaningful and beautiful surprises.

4:) Here is a 23 sec video I took of house sparrows giving a choral concert on the corner of First and Bank in Ottawa last Sunday morning. I lingered for quite some time simply enjoying them.

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