Blog

At the end of life, when people look back to see what mattered for them and brought meaning, it's not about what they bought and what they owned. It's about what they did to help other people to live and how they related to other people and grew in wisdom.
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With some exceptions,  I believe that people  are doing the best they can, with what they know, in the circumstances in which they find themselves.
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So I am on my own mission to resurrect my  moodling time. For years I chose Sunday – the entire day- for the sole purpose of unstructured time. I got to read, bike, photograph, take long walks, write, visit with a friend, read poetry, and play the piano, daydream, and so on. Even though I am no longer the example,  I have the longing and motivation to keep trying.
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i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)i am never without it (anywhere i go) E. E. Cummings
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When we face the unexpected and the difficult, we all have resources to "bear it"...as tough as it can be, you can do it. We all can.
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Possible side effects include moments of spontaneous gratitude, pure joy, a desire to live fully while we can, and an urge to give back.
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It’s about accepting responsibility that you’re important to people. Lyndsay Green
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...Every year, everything I have ever learned in my lifetime, leads back to this...Mary Oliver
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My sweetest of all possible Mother's, departed this earth on Sunday afternoon, July 26th, on beautiful Gabriola Island. She will be missed and never forgotten.
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My sweetest of all possible Mother's, departed this earth on Sunday afternoon, July 26th, on beautiful Gabriola Island. She will be missed and never forgotten.
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Lead your ordinary everyday lives extraordinarily well in all the ways that count. Do what needs doing and always be kind.
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"A big part of what you must learn if you’re to be less worried about controlling everything is how to let go of your compulsive need to feel in control." Darlene Cohen 
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Rather than waiting for something better to come along, take the initiative and find a way to make something better actually happen. Rabbi Schachter
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"...poetry as water: essential, calm, churning, a vortex of light and shadow, refreshingly cool, pleasingly warm, and sometimes just hot enough or cold enough to jolt, charge, render slightly uncomfortable, and bring one fully, deeply to life once again." Claudia Zoe Bedrick
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"Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, ‘I will try again tomorrow.”- Mary Anne Radmacher
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I am not suggesting that we break our mirrors, but I too learned that I am not just what I see reflected back at me.
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"An optimist isn't necessarily a blithe, slightly sappy whistler in the dark of our time.
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The concept of Ubunto, "to be human we need other humans." Archbishop Desmond Tutu
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Mt Blanc Project: to demonstrate to themselves and others that you can live an active, purposeful and joyful life while ageing  and while experiencing serious illness.
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So the question is, when is a weed not a weed?
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I wish us all well as we venture forth with awareness, intelligence  and fortitude.
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During that conversation I was asked for some examples of my Mother’s kindness. And without a second thought I told them this story.
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Dr. Bonnie Henry, Chief Medical Officer for the province of British Columbia says everyday, "Be kind; be calm; be safe."
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Make the best of where you are and with the way things are. Take the flashlight of your attention and go on a treasure hunt.
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Option B was a roaring success; "it was worth living 100 years just to celebrate my birthday in such a unique way."Eileen Wilson
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The gift of years. So here is the thing. I know that many people like to show the youthful photos of their Mother and I love that idea too but I really want to celebrate my Mother's successful ageing. She has lived 100 years and you can see her good spirit, love, and joie de vivre shining through.
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It is only in the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is  invisible to the eye. Antoine de Saint-Exupéry from The Little Prince
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I think it is a good time to be bold and try new things that we can do within the walls of our homes. Let's experiment.
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Be the calm one on the boat
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Spy hopping is a vertical half-rise out of the water performed by a whale to view the surroundings.I think this is going on all over the place right now.  A half-rise to take a peak, get the lay of the land to see what needs to be done. Improvising.
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"We are quick to forget that just being alive is an extraordinary piece of good luck, a remote event, a chance occurence of monstrous proportions. Nicholas Nassim Taleb
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"Whatever you call it, whoever, you are, you need one." Jane Howard
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Today I have been thinking about the way quotations have influenced my life. In many ways they are just as important to me as poetry.
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It isn't the mountains that wear you out but the grain of sand in your shoe.
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Life is amazing - a short post today.
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For now, allow yourself to love and be loved by those who are there.
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Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.”~ Lao Tzu
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There was an understanding that things would change; feelings would fade; noone escapes sorrow and that somehow things would get better around the corner. Love and laughter helped.
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For this week why not choose one thing you want to do where you have not been consistent. Make it reasonable. Make it tiny. The Kaizen approach really works.
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There is no remedy for love but to love more. -Henry David Thoreau
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2020 awaits us with 365 brand new pages for our book of life. Let's all live them fully, in the best way we know how. "Zigzagging (along) you there, me here...as the snail does."
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May those of you who celebrate Hanukkah, or Christmas and/or Solstice create memorable and joyful moments with your loved ones.
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As long as we have life, we have the opportunity to mend our fences and express our love and appreciation.
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Here's the secret to taking a six hour mini holiday in the middle of the week. Do it for someone else. Someone you think the world of, who you believe could use a change of pace.
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Don't wait for something 'special' to put in it. That way it will sit on a shelf forever.
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A few good words
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One day at a time is really the best way I have found to deal with the intractable difficulties of life. Dr. Itami's, Meaningful Life Therapy, which my work is based on is "present centered." What can I do today? Interesting video this week for you to watch from philosopher Alain de Botton at The School of Life in London.
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Kintsugi dates back to the 15th century and  is a method of mending or patching broken ceramics that makes them even more beautiful and valuable than in their original state. I also like to think that it can be a metaphor for our own cracks.
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We are busy people, and often worn out by illness and care giving. I will now make a wild proposition for us all, including me. For our good health we need to take ourselves outdoors for one hour every single day.  One hour out of 24.
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Imagine a Poetry Pharmacy that dispenses first aid with poems, including support for good mental health. My kind of Drugstore.
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When I was going through my cancer treatment, I kept a blog called Joyful Wrecks.  I decided on the name to illustrate my experience that although I would be looking for joyful moments, and working to create them, I recognized that there would also be moments when I felt shipwrecked.
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I now do more unrealistic things than I used to. I have more hope that things will work out. I say yes whenever possible, including to myself. Realistically, if my life was audited by the world, from beginning to now I should have more worries, fears and insecurity.
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I was struck by the advice one of the Morita Psychiatrists gave in his presentation. He suggested that we take a few minutes everyday to take stock of "what didn't happen."
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The truth is, life gives us challenges on a regular basis. We use our wit, skill and all the help we can get to take action on the things we can do something about. But don't stop there. Use all those skills to find precious moments of surprise and delight waiting outside your door.
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Toward the end of his life an interviewer asked, “Dr. Huxley, perhaps more than anyone else alive, you have studied the great spiritual and religious traditions of the world. What have you learned?” And Huxley answered, “I think we could just be a bit kinder.”
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The relief, even with the bad news is this. "At least now I know what I'm up against."
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September has Arrived Fall is in the air. You can smell it; see it; hear it and almost taste it. I can almost touch it. The quality of the air feels different. It is the most glorious season for me. My Grandaughter insists it is because I was born in September. There is truth to that as for me it represents fresh starts and new beginnings far beyond the calendar New Year. At this minute, the sun is streaming through the south facing windows at my daughter's home. The cat is curled up in a state of total relaxation. I
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The truth is that there is nothing unusual about any of these things. Except to the person they are happening to.
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The joy of living is knowing how precious and tenuous it really is to be part of the full human experience.
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Staying curious and paying attention to the world around us.
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Let's just say that language was not a barrier. The messages conveyed went way beyond ordinary language and opened my eyes to a communication without borders.
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"It's a great day to be alive." Kevin Kaminski
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Letting there be room for not knowing is the most important thing of all. Pema Chodron
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The purpose of these Japanese hikers is to demonstrate to themselves and others that you can live an active, purposeful and joyful life while ageing  and while experiencing serious illness.
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Don’t make a rigid structure and then chastise ourselves when we don’t live up to it. Better to keep a limber mind and develop a tenderness toward existence.  —Natalie Goldberg, 
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"Creative individuals don’t have to be dragged out of bed; they are eager to start the day. This is not because they are cheerful, enthusiastic types." Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
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"We have two lives; the second begins, when you realize you only have one." Mario de Andrade
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"You can't stay in your corner of the forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometime." Winnie-the-Pooh
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Time slips through our fingers, and there is no sense regretting what we haven't done. Start where you are is always the best policy.
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Staying in touch and reaching out to old friends and family members may seem like too much trouble. But it isn't trouble. It is more like self-care.
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It's funny how things come together.
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A story I remember with delight or how point of view changes things.
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During this time of weaponized words in almost every sector,  let's join the resistance by offering words as gifts to those who cross our paths.
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Wanderer, there is no path. We lay down a path in walking. Antonio Machado
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It seems to me that whoever you are and wherever you are we all have nothing to lose by being anything other than our ordinary ourselves.
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The effects of nature’s qualities on health are not only spiritual and emotional but physical and neurological. I have no doubt that they reflect deep changes in the brain’s physiology, and perhaps even its structure. Dr. Oliver Sacks
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As I observe her many years of living fully I see that the attributes of ageing well, are similar to living well with illness.
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How truly amazing that anything will survive because it is too cold or too hot, or there is too much or too little rain. And yet survive it does...
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There are multi-coloured threads, all with a hint of gold weaving their way in and out of our circles of influence. The tapestry becomes rich, meaningful and beautiful.
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"Go and make interesting mistakes, make amazing mistakes, make glorious mistakes, and fantastic mistakes. Break rules. Leave the world more interesting for your being here." Neil Gaiman
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We can become a "moment spotter," one who notices the opportunities to make a moment special, for someone else and consequently for ourselves.
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Illness can provide a wake-up call. We can use illness as an opportunity to get down to business with living.
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"Don't squander the 15 minutes," Dr. Heather Palmer declares; see all the things you can do. Time deceives us and we often think we need much bigger blocks of it to do anything.
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We would be a sorry lot if we spent our days fretting about all the things that might and could go wrong. And we aren’t better off if we think only good things should happen to us.
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Currently there is a fascinating 10 year study being carried out by the National Institute of Health on the power of music to heal.
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As Randy Pausch adds "Never, ever underestimate the importance of having fun."
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"All too often we cannot bring ourselves to say No when we want to and know we should." William Ury
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If we don't pay attention or only notice all that is wrong, so much of our lives disappear into the background, unnoticed and unappreciated. When we pay attention to the support we receive our world expands and we have more fun.
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I believe that this kind of caring is essential and particularly important for anyone with a chronic condition. If that is you and you don't have it, ask others for recommendations. Turn over every stone to find it. It can change everything.
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Happiness that depends on what you acquire or become is only conditional happiness, not true happiness.
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Humour, from my understanding and experience boosts our spirits, if not our immune system. Granted, there is so much we don’t know for sure, but we all seem to benefit when we can have a good laugh. Funnily enough, we don’t all laugh at the same things.
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It is important to seek out what you need. Sometimes the locked door opens, even a crack, and allows some light to get in. Sometimes it doesn’t, and yet, our efforts and the efforts of others keep us from being alone.
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Let’s end our year not just counting our blessings or emphasizing what we neglected, but noticing the things we actually got right. Let’s encourage each other along, including ourselves.
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This season is not joyful for everyone. There are many where the lights and good cheer exacerbate their deeply personal sorrows. I am thinking of you, in particular, as I write this post.
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Several years ago, a new friend was dismayed that I had a real tree in my home at Christmas. “It must be a very small one,” she commented. “No,” I said. “It is always very tall and beautiful.” There was silence.
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Kintsugi repairs the brokenness and the ageing of the vessel in a way that makes the container even more beautiful and valuable than it was prior to being broken. Peter Mayer a folk musician from Minnesota wrote a beautiful song that refers to the beauty and metaphor of this art."
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With Earth beset by conflict, climate change, pollution, and other ills, the best-selling author asks: What better time to be hopeful?
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After many decades of living I now aim to reclaim the spirit of “no rushing.”
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Ichigo Ichie - A once in a lifetime chance of you and I to be together, in this particular way. The implication is that every such occasion is a treasured moment, and treated as such. Nothing is taken for granted.
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It doesn’t mean everyone is helpful. It means that when things go wrong, kind people always appear on the scene, wherever you are. Even in the middle of bustling and busy New York City. Even when we are by ourselves, we are not alone.
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Truth is, life is short. What do you really have to lose by putting it out there - who you are and what you want to do. Failure is always part of the package when we try new things and being willing to risk failure is a passport to living fully.
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“A trim tab is the tiny, trailing part of a ship's rudder. Slight pressure on the trim tab moves the rudder, which in turn directs the ship. We are all trim tabs, tiny pivots affecting the overall direction of humanity. As Fuller advised, it is time to take a long view. Zoom out, look at where we've been and where we might be going. See it? Now choose your path and act accordingly.” Rabbi Rami Shapiro speaking about Buckminister Fuller
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“At one time or another, everyone loses something. We lose loved ones. We lose our health. We lose our glasses. We lose our memories. We lose our money. We lose our keys. We lose our socks. We lose life itself. We have to come to terms with this reality. Sooner or later, all is lost; we just don’t always know when it will happen." Lama Surya Das
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With extreme exceptions, I believe that people are doing the best they can, with what they know, in the circumstances in which they find themselves.
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The truth is, life gives us challenges on a regular basis. We use our wit, skill and all the help we can get to take action on the things we can do something about. But don't stop there. Use all those skills to find precious moments of surprise and delight waiting outside your door.
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We are all well practiced in knowing what is wrong. Historically, being aware of the negative and all the possible things that could go wrong was part of our survival kit.
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There is a tendency, as we live longer or have health challenges, to gravitate towards safety. Sadly, what is considered risk free continues to diminish as time goes on.
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This advice from Psychiatrist, Dr. Shoma Morita, means that when you find yourself in difficult circumstances and there is the possibility of taking any action to relieve or influence those circumstances, then do so.
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How many days have you lived Nana? How many hours? Yikes...something to think about.
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Nine years ago, I was happily preparing for my last treatment at the Cancer Centre. “Finally, it will be over,” I said to myself. A celebration seemed in order and I was making plans. The week before this auspicious date, however, I was given pause for thought.
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Barbara Kingsolver teaching herself joy, over and over again.
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Wabi-Sabi – the beauty of imperfection, impermanence and incomplete.
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When we face the unexpected and the difficult, we all have resources to "bear it." As tough as it can be, let's never forget this important truth.
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Dr. Jinroh Itami, who developed Meaningful Life Therapy specifically for cancer patients, used travel as one of his non-medical tools. He famously took a group of Japanese cancer patients to climb Mt Blanc three decades ago, long before strenuous exercise was encouraged in cancer circles.
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As I sit on a bluff above Georgia strait, with the city of Vancouver in the distance, I am thinking about the concept of blame. There are so many reasons to blame another. So many things to blame as to the cause of our illnesses, failures and disappointments. And yet…
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Last week I accompanied a friend and my grandchildren to the Museum of Nature to view the special exhibit on the brain. Of all the marvels this wondrous organ provides, the surprising fact that has stuck with me is the effect of even mild dehydration on the brain.
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We all, at our core, are bold and brave and have something original to contribute. why not do so while we have the chance.
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We show up for each other, wholeheartedly, and we learn on the job by paying attention as we live our lives.
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Yesterday, my friend Patricia, sent me a link to an article by the well-known writer’s writer, Natalie Goldberg. The article is called Old Age is not Guaranteed and is an excerpt from her new book called Let the Thundering World Come Home.
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Set aside sometime everyday to spend with something that you love.
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"Never resist a generous impulse." Words spoken by the Dalai Lama at a conference I attended in Vancouver 2004.
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There isn't much to laugh at when it comes to cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and so many other painful, life threatening, and on-going difficult illnesses that life throws in our way. One of my teachers, Dr. Itami, uses laughter as part of his healing prescription for cancer patients.
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Woody Allan, along with others, has been quoted as saying that 80% of success is just showing up. There is a kernel of truth there but I suggest that showing up wholeheartedly may be the defining factor.
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I read a book, as a young 20 year old living in Montreal, called Sing While There is Voice Left. It was written by a theologian and I remember nothing specific about it, other than the title. The title, however, has stuck with me my entire life.
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Dr. Itami's guidelines are available and helpful to anyone dealing with a difficult illness, including caregivers.
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