There’s a lesson here, I’m sure…

Nasruddin was working as a laborer, and each day he ate lunch in the company of his fellow workers.

“Nothing but bread and cheese,” Nasruddin would say each day as he looked longingly at the food the other men had for their lunch. He saw dolmas, kebabs, tabbouleh, yogurt, pilaf, all kinds of food.

“You complain like this every day,” one of the men said to Nasruddin. “You should tell your wife to make you something different for lunch.”

“I’m not married,” said Nasruddin.

“Who makes your lunch then?”

“I do,” Nasruddin admitted, staring sadly at his bread and cheese.

I found this story on a free-use Creative Commons site and for any of you who are interested, please click here. It was #189 and posted by Laura Gibbs.

For my regular readers, you know that I enjoy the incredible Mulla Nasruddin – an ancient Sufi mystic known for his crazy wisdom. This simple little story makes me chuckle, yet, it also points to the trap of how easily we can slip into wishing things were different while waiting for someone else to make it happen. In some ways, we can easily abdicate responsibility for the basics. Let’s take lunch as an example.

When I was working full-time, I often ignored lunch. I knew better. I had all the information I needed to instruct others on the importance of taking a break. Attention, productivity, creativity, and decision-making all improve when we take time to sleep, eat and move our bodies.  Not to mention, cheerfulness, patience, and kindness both at work and at home.  I was on my soapbox about these things but I rarely did it because I was always busy. This is embarrassing, to say the least.

As Oliver Burkeman, reminds us, we will never get it all done.

When we think about it, to neglect the basics over a continuous period of time, is to abdicate personal responsibility for our life.  And, I agree, there are always exceptions. When a new baby arrives home; we sell our house; a family member is ill; we take a new job;  go back to school… (so many things) many of the basics get neglected for a time.

The problem is when neglect becomes the norm. Our body/mind/heart/ will let us know that it needs our help unless we have neglected our bodies for so long that we no longer hear or see or feel the feedback.

This is not easy to take responsibility for. We live in a culture of more. There is pride and reward for ignoring everything except the grindstone. And, there is also the fact that for some of us we also loved, loved, loved our work and it was good work and there was no end to it. A physician friend told me the best advice he was ever given from his mentor was this:

Take a lunch break and a walk every day. Make that your rule, not the exception. “You will never have time to do this so you need to take the time anyway.  Do not kill yourself trying to save your patients.” 

We can apply this to caregiving and every kind of responsibility we take on.  Sustainability is the key. We can always do short bursts of the “all nighter” so to speak. However, to sustain productive and creative work we need to be cautious of the arrogance that allows us to ignore our mortality.  We are not invincible and furthermore  the world will not stop if we take regular planned breaks.

It’s worth a try to create the conditions for rest and restoration so we are able to faithfully take care of ourselves and our obligations.

Generally speaking as wonderfully creative humans, anything we read we can immediately think of someone else to whom this applies. The best advice I received was to take a different tact. I was told when I read something that caught my attention or that was a common sense reminder I should ask only one question.

How does this apply to me?

Then I have something to work with since all of our other favourite humans aren’t controllable by us.

In the spring and fall, I remind myself of the basics. Whether we are healthy, ill, troubled, lonely, overwhelmed, afraid, or uncertain…it can be helpful to reassess where we are at. I had a recent health scare because I had inadvertently neglected to drink enough water. This is a common problem especially as we live longer, or have certain medical conditions. It’s easy to neglect, and it has consequences. In my case, I remedied the situation and my body went into full cooperation mode. I now consciously ensure, and I have a system so that my minimum water intake is  1 and 1/2 litres a day. That seems to work for me, and I feel lucky that such a simple solution fixed a problem.

The Basics

When we take care of the basics, it is the best self-care we can do. Maybe one or more of these items could use a little tune-up in your life. This is not a formula – so you can modify or create your own.

1. Spending time even 20 minutes in Nature every day
2. Sleep (there is so much info on sleep hygiene available – see a link in the notes but consistency and a dark room seem to count)
3. Water – drink
4. Taking time to eat good food ( we all have the information we need; it’s important who you chew with;  use your good dishes; moderation is a reasonable approach along with extra veggies and vitamin CH (chocolate))
5. Moving our bodies especially outdoors  (the best exercise is the one you will do) (hard to beat walking)
6. The company of others (learning, laughing, enjoying, confiding, planning)
7. Doing something that you especially love to do each day (the sum of small joys add up to a meaningful life)

Notes

1:) The banner photo is a Ginkgo Tree – a symbol of longevity in Japan, and a display of beauty, here in Ottawa. I took this photo last Saturday morning while strolling with a friend. Interesting facts: the tree can live for a thousand years; even more, four ginkgo’s survived the blast at Hiroshima and are still growing today. I am charmed by the fan-like shape of their leaves.

2:) My grandson created his own stress reducer this year in the midst of rowing (the season ends this weekend with a regatta in Sarasota Springs NY) and a heavy load at school. He is using the piano for breaks. Works away for half an hour or so and plays the piano for 5-10 minutes and goes back to the books.  I see that this works great for him. This is an example of fitting in a small joy, a few times a day, for the love of it.

3:)Info on sleep Click here

4:) A short lovely poem from Gratefulness.org

 

Essential Gratitude – by Andrea Potos  (on Gratefulness.org site)

Sometimes it just stuns you
like an arrow flung from some angel’s wing.
Sometimes it hastily scribbles
a list in the air: black coffee,
thick new books,
your pillow’s cool underside,
the quirky family you married into.

It is content with so little really;
even the ink of your pen along
the watery lines of your dime store notebook
could be a swiftly moving prayer.

5:) I am happy you stopped by; grateful too. I wish you a lovely last October weekend. We have been beautifully spoiled in Ottawa with spectacular weather. Warmest wishes, Trudy

 

 

 

 

 

At one time or another, everyone loses something.

We lose loved ones. We lose our health. We lose our glasses. We lose our memories. We lose our money. We lose our keys. We lose our socks. We lose life itself. We have to come to terms with this reality. Sooner or later, all is lost; we just don’t know when it will happen.

“Loss is a fact of life. Impermanence is everywhere we look. We are all going to suffer our losses. How we deal with these losses is what makes all the difference. For it is not what happens to us that determines our character, our experience, our karma, and our destiny, but how we relate to what happens.” Lama Surya Das

A few years ago I wrote about this topic on a crazy morning when I couldn’t seem to find the most obvious things I needed: keys; gloves; glasses; jacket; my black shoes. And this was all before breakfast. Clearly, I had gone to bed the night before in a frazzled state.

Truth is, what I had misplaced was minor and simply inconvenient compared to the losses of the really tough stuff. But the other truth is when we get better at not losing our cool over these little things we build habits that will serve us well when we are hit with major losses in life.

The reason I was stressed was being in a rush.

And it was also due to not putting those items where they belonged the night before. Once we start rushing and are concerned about being late we get stressed. When we get stressed it is harder to remember. This isn’t just my opinion, rather, it is a well-researched topic in the field of neuroscience and psychology. Dr. Heather Palmer, PhD in Neuropsychology has worked with seniors and with people going through chemotherapy about what she refers to as brain fog.

Brain fog is a type of loss that we all fear, although I notice my grandkids, have no qualms at all about losing gloves, forgetting backpacks etc.

And sometimes we find what we lost

I’m a good finder, as my family will attest because when something goes missing and it is not where it should be, I look in the places where it would ordinarily not be. Plus, I’m persistent. And I am so grateful that my watch, ring, keys, etc have not vanished. I had misplaced them and I have them back.

What a surprise to be found

However, last week I experienced a different kind of finding and losing. I was found, by an old friend, whom I had considered permanently lost. Imagine my surprise, to open an email from my website and learn that it was written by a childhood friend. The dearest of unforgettable friends, who was in my life only from the ages of 11-15. It was an unexpected finding that included a loss that I hadn’t fully realized. (if that makes sense)

I am so often surprised by the beneficence of others. In this case, it was a trail of breadcrumbs involving an obituary sent to X, who when he read it was reminded of my family and went searching. And because of his efforts, he discovered my website and asked his Aunt, if this was “our Trudy Boyle.”

Taking Action

And his Aunt, my old, dear friend, wrote to me. And what was lost was found, after more than 60 years.

I tell you this story because it was such a surprise and so deeply moving for me. And once again,  a reminder about taking action. We honestly never know where one curious thought might lead and what delight it may uncover for someone else. So I thank my friend’s dear nephew for taking the trouble to turn over a few stones to see what might turn up.

Human beings need each other. We are wired for connection. And we cannot count on tomorrow. Today, the present moment is the only moment we can confidently act from. Let’s continue to live with our curious, flexible, and loving minds along with our outstretched arms. And perhaps, when you have a sudden thought of someone from your past, you might even follow up on it. These special gifts that arrive “out of the blue,” may seem ordinary and simple. But for meaning-makers like myself, they are treasures.

Notes

1:) On the topic of finding, I had another surprise, from long long ago. Last summer, in New Brunswick, my granddaughter overheard me speaking about going to camp in the summer, and for 25 cents I could buy, at the canteen, (after what seemed to be an endless hike) one small bottle of Lime Ricky, one Jersey Milk chocolate bar, and one small bag of chips. The thought of such bounty for one quarter astonished her but it didn’t stop there. Since that conversation, without my knowledge,  she was on the hunt for a Lime Ricky, even though I don’t drink any kind of soda pop. To my surprise, she found one and presented me with it on Thanksgiving. (quietly and behind the scene) So, of course, I was going to drink it and share it with her. And with that first sip, a cascade of memories flooded my being of hot, long, and delightful summer days from my childhood.) Thank you, Sophie.

2:)  This epic Playing for Change video was the result of two years of work across ten countries. The Weight with Robbie Robinson. It’s possible I posted this link a few years ago but I enjoy it every time I listen.

3:) Thank you for stopping by and reading these musings. I hope you find precious people in your own lives whom you may have lost too. Or they find you. Warmest wishes, Trudy