We Are All on Our Way Out so Use the Good Dishes – a reminder

Otherwise by Jane Kenyon

I got out of bed
on two strong legs.
It might have been
otherwise. I ate
cereal, sweet
milk, ripe, flawless
peach. It might
have been otherwise.
I took the dog uphill
to the birch wood.
All morning I did
the work I love.
At noon I lay down
with my mate. It might
have been otherwise.
We ate dinner together
at a table with silver
candlesticks. It might
have been otherwise.
I slept in a bed
in a room with paintings
on the walls, and
planned another day
just like this day.
But one day, I know,
it will be otherwise.

The joy of living is knowing how precious and tenuous it really is to be part of the full human experience. And what an amazing gift we have been given to fully participate in a plethora of capacities. Let’s do what we can do while we are able.

Three days ago, I received an unexpected call from a beloved relative who said something like:

 “Trudy, I’m calling to let you know I love you, just in case I croak before we see each other again.” We then went on to talk for two hours about life and death; education and politics; travel and family and we told stories and laughed out loud.  (a few of our topics) This call was generated not from any new diagnosis but by the facts of life. We will all die, and we don’t know when. This is information that we can’t quite believe even though we know it is true.

The call made my day.

One reason we don’t like to talk about death is that we fear it. And the fear comes from a good place – the desire for life. Even with its tribulations, we want more sunrises, bike rides, delicious meals with loved ones, walks along the ocean or through the forest trails, more laughter and wild times with our friends and family. We want more.

When my mother turned eighty, she said that eighty-five sounded like a good time to go. 85 came and went, and 90 sounded just about right. Then 93, 95, 97 and finally in her 99^th year she longed to make it to one hundred. And she did.

Furthurmore, our natural fear and anxiety can be beneficial to occasionally remind ourselves of our mortality, as poet Ada Limo suggests: “Remember that we have to leave it (the world) at some point.” This awareness helps us to love the world.

Let’s do some math. I have been alive for 28,733 days.

I used this calculator

The life expectancy of a Canadian woman when measured from birth is 84.4. Measured from age 65 it is 87.4 and rises to 89.4 from age 75. These numbers are broad averages for all Canadian women and can tell us little about our own lifespan.

However, no matter what, I like to look at my life seasonally and not miss out on spring this year by taking it all for granted.

This isn’t a depressing thought to me as much as it is an incentive to make sure I use the good dishes while I can. What am I saving them for? What do I have to lose? That they fade in the dishwasher, and I outlive them. Not so bad…

What do I mean when I say use your best dishes?

 Sing While There’s Voice Left

I mean something like “sing while there’s voice left.” When I was twenty, I read a book by a theologian called Sing While There’s Voice Left. I remember nothing specific about the book except its title and the impression it left of what it meant to live a life.

My takeaway was that life was tenuous. And we had best make the most of our lives every day.

Sing while there is voice left is a metaphor to live fully while you are able and in whatever ways you can.

A Few Examples

• Use your best dishes
• Wear your favourite clothing
• Beautiful journals make good to-do lists.
• Dive into the untouched box of watercolors
• Favourite jewelry
• Favourite foods,
• Splurge on some fresh flowers, if you can.
• Light the beautiful candles
• Splurge with your words
• Playfulness
• Saying no, in order to be faithful to the yeses we already gave
• Take time for the things that count that can’t be measured.
• What matters most, and do we make time for it, not just our obligations, but other things we long to do and don’t?

What if you considered today and every day to be a special occasion?

The truth is, we woke up, so that already made this day special. And since today is special, how will we treat it? Maybe we will make a special meal and serve it with a candle, music, if you like, and a few flowers. Maybe we call a friend we haven’t talked to in a while, and just inquire about them. You will have hundreds of ideas. Maybe you wear your favourite shirt just because…

How many of you, like me, have untouched, beautiful journals sitting safely in a drawer? My friend Patricia insists that the only thing to do with a special beautiful journal is to USE it. Write your to-do lists, recipes, doodles, anything at all, but use it.

I also mean, don’t put your life on hold.

When you have things you want to do, have fun doing, including learning something…jump right in and do it. We may have restrictions due to illness, treatments. accidents, etc., but working with that understanding, don’t just wait to do some of the things you can do and want to do. You are unique in the world. Use your gifts. Have fun. Make bad music. Do bad art. Be bold and vulnerable at the same time.

Who remembers Erma Bombeck? Here is an excerpt from one of her columns, when she discovered she was dying from cancer—it was titled, “If I Had to Live My Life Over”:

“… I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage. I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained or the sofa faded. I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace. … I would have sat on the lawn with my kids, even if it meant grass stains.”

So many things we hold on to – saving them for some imagined special time.

I remember when my mother gave my daughter money for her wedding dress after she announced her engagement. The wedding was 18 months away, but as her grandmother said, “who knows if I will be around then, and I want to buy your dress.”

My Mother LOVED the ALASKA cruise. I wasn’t really interested in cruising, but on my sixtieth Birthday, she took my sister and me to Alaska. She explained that originally, she had set aside this money for us to go to Alaska after she died. But then she thought, “Why should they have all the fun without me. Let’s do it now. together” And so we did, and we had a blast.

And what about you? Do you have special things you are saving for just the right occasion? The candles too pretty to burn, the special pottery, the napkins too fine. The linen tablecloth that belonged to your mother or grandmother. If you love it so much, why not use it and give new life to that perfectly wrapped and tucked away tablecloth? Why not take that trip with your kids while you can go too and enjoy it together.

This day today is that special day you have been waiting for.

The special occasion has arrived. It happens every morning when you wake up.

Notes:

1:) The banner photo is from my daily walk this week and the others are from Rob in Vancouver.

2: )Metro Copenhagen  This is so old now, but I love to look at it now and then. For newcomers to my blog, I hope you enjoy it.

3:) This blog was inspired by the call and partially adapted from a previous post.

4:) Thank you so much for stopping by. I am a little sleepy tonight so I suspect I have lots of errors here. I hope you will overlook them. I have several people I know suffering from illnesses this month. I do hold you in my mindheart and wish for the best of all possible outcomes. With gratitude and appreciation, warmest thoughts to you all, Trudy