The Most Important Thing – A Tribute to My Sister and Her Friends
Most Important
If you had asked me back in January of 2008 what I considered most important, I would have quickly said, “My health.” Good health seemed to be a legacy in my family of long-lived ancestors, and although we didn’t take it for granted, and were grateful, we did take it as a given.
The story went that as long as you had your health, you could manage anything that confronted you, but without your health, well, you would be vulnerable.
So, you might imagine, like so many others in the world, to get a cancer diagnosis pulled that rug out from under my feet. The wonder of it all is that I learned there was something much more important than good health. Simply put, it is good friends and family.
Good health is not 100 percent controllable by us. even if we do everything”right.” This is life.
The revelation, which surprised me, even though I thought it was the second most important thing, was that friends and family and other amazing humans are what take top spot. In a world where tragedy, pain, and suffering of all kinds happen, it isn’t our health that makes the difference, but the people.
Obviously, we all prefer perfect health or at least reasonably good health. There is no doubt that that this makes our daily lives easier. But when we go through a difficult health crisis, in particular, what truly makes the biggest difference are the people: our medical team, family, friends, neighbours and oftentimes strangers.
The people play a significant role in living well with illness.
The people in our lives make all the difference.
I am thinking about this right now because my sister recently went through long-awaited and extensive surgery, and, I happily add recovering steadily and on track. Besides the excellent surgical team, she has three devoted friends who are the perfect caregivers. Between the three of them, she has a chauffeur, a chef, an ER nurse, entertainers and storytellers all, and the kindest, funniest, serious, most devoted and creative crew you can imagine. They even say a loving and firm no to the unconventional forbidden food (in these circumstances) that my persuasive sister wants to eat, and they keep her on the straight and narrow. (just for now) Neither of us is very good with obedience. :-))
Perfect Caregivers
I live 4500 KM away from my sister, and these three keep me fully informed with photos, facts and stories, as though I am close at hand and part of the team. I am in awe of how they work together and cannot sufficiently express my gratitude in words. They provide healing, laughter, company and wholeheartedness along with homemade soup, dressing care, and coaching for the list of exercises required. They are the perfect caregivers for her!
As human beings we need connection to heal. I have heard hundreds of stories, seen the research and have experienced first hand what it means to be cared for by loving hands. Tonight I just want to say thanks to this team caring for my sister. They are the best.
Notes
1. I consider caregivers to be champions. They seldom get credit, and often it is one person who carries the biggest load. I love this team of three who also care for each other.
2. Once again I give you one of my favourite poems by Rosemerry Whatola Trommer
Safety Net
This morning I woke
thinking of all the people I love
and all the people they love
and how big the net
of lovers. It felt so clear,
all those invisible ties
interwoven like silken threads
strong enough to make a mesh
that for thousands of years
has been woven and rewoven
to catch us all.
Sometimes we go on
as if we forget
about it. Believing only
in the fall. But the net
is just as real. Every day,
with every small kindness,
with every generous act,
we strengthen it. Notice,
even now, how
as the whole world
seems to be falling, it
is there for us as we
walk the day’s tightrope,
how every tie matters
3. Thank you for reading my musings. I am grateful for your notes and emails. May you all have the grit to do the hard things and the gift of loved ones to help you do it.
4. The banner photo is our Ontario provincial flower and my friend took the photo this past weekend at her lake house. The other two are from Gabriola Island and a bouquet in the dining room here at home.
May you get outside and hear the birds and see the blossoms. See you next week. Warmly, Trudy
Very happy to hear that your sister is recovering well and is so well cared for. I agree with you that health is a bonus, but family and friends are essential. Safety Net captures this so well – every tie matters! love to you and yours xoxox
Thank you dear Janice. You continue to blow me away with your grace and poetic gifts. Warmest wishes, Trudy
This is so perfect, Trudy. I have had a Safety Net spring as well, having found myself helpless in a health mess. The net of souls wove itself beneath me, holding me fast with words, images, greenery, kindness, surprises, humor, and love. Your post made me smile remembering it all. Thank you.
I love this poem Margaret because of its truthfulness and because the poet notices the importance of all of this. Thank you. Warmly, Trudy
. . . And here, written by my long-time friend, British Children’s Poet Laureate, Michael Rosen, is a tribute to our official, professional carers:
These are the hands
That touch us first
Feel your head
Find the pulse
And make your bed.
These are the hands
That tap your back
Test the skin
Hold your arm
Wheel the bin
Change the bulb
Fix the drip
Pour the jug
Replace your hip.
These are the hands
That fill the bath
Mop the floor
Flick the switch
Soothe the sore
Burn the swabs
Give us a jab
Throw out sharps
Design the lab.
And these are the hands
That stop the leaks
Empty the pan
Wipe the pipes
Carry the can
Clamp the veins
Make the cast
Log the dose
And touch us last.
As Children’s Poet Laureate, Michael Rosen wrote this poem to celebrate the 60th anniversary of Britain’s National Health Service, that inspired our own universal health care system created by Tommy Douglas, visionary premier of Saskatchewan from 1944 to 1961, representing the Cooperative Commonwealth Federation (CCF), forerunner of the NDP.
Oh, Meguido: Thank you for this exceptional tribute to caregivers. This is a brand new gift for me and I deeply appreciate you going to this trouble. The breadth and depth of your friends across the world continue to astound me. With gratitude, Trudy
Quick recovery to your sister Trudy. It’s difficult being so far away. The three friends value caring.
After I was diagnosed with Cancer 26 years ago, received a lovely note from someone I hardly knew. Touched me greatly & have since reciprocated to others suffering their own personal journey, with a note or telephone call. A little goes a long way in caring.
Thank you for the poetry Trudy.
Dear Marilyn: Thank you for your observations. I recall you reaching out to me, 18 years ago. At that time you barely knew me but your gentle and practical advice was a big help. Thank you again. Warmly, Trudy
Happy for your sister and proud of our sisterhood of caring for each other; genuinely proud of us.isn’t it a great feeling to be part of the gift of helping one of us through.
You make such a good point dear Jean. It is a gift to be able to offer help to another. Sometimes this is challenging – to receive help- when you have typically been the helper.But we all can learn. Warmly, Trudy
Ongoing good recovery for your sister, Trudy and good energy for her caregivers and all others involved, including you.
Thank you for you for your good wishes, Sabine. She is doing really well.Best to you, Trudy