The Full Catastrophe

The first time I heard this expression, The Full Catastrophe, was in the film Zorba the Greek. The next time I considered it was in the book of a similar name called Full Catastrophe Living, written by the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction used in hospitals and clinics around the world, Jon Kabat-Zinn.

The first time was in response to a question asked of Zorba – “Are you married?”

His response – “Am I not a man? And is not a man stupid? I’m a man, so I’m married. Wife, children, house—everything. The full catastrophe.”

This stands in contrast to Jon Kabat-Zinn’s take. His book redefines Zorba’s “full catastrophe” as something positive, an affirmation of life’s variety and chaos to be embraced, not lamented.”

And this is how I use it, the way Kabat-Zinn describes it. Thus, it gives me a certain light-heartedness, equanimity, and laissez-faire toward the daily tribulations of life. Don’t for one moment think I can do this all the time. But it is something I fall back on after I catch my breath. And I am more generous to myself and others than I used to be regarding foibles.

My cousin’s daughter sent me a podcast to listen to, suggesting that I might like it. Since this was out of the ordinary, I listened to it that very day while I ate my lunch. The title was Happiness isn’t a Feeling, it’s a direction, and Dr. Becky was interviewing Arthur Brooks. I didn’t know Dr. Becky, but I have read articles and skimmed books by Arthur Brooks, Harvard Prof, author and speaker. He says some things that  I like better than others, and we disagree on some points. I can say the same about myself- some things I say I like better than others. :-))

Furthurmore, Dr. Becky’s expertise is in parenting, which I am well past, but their conversation captivated me—building an imperfect family.

Why?

This point caught my attention: “We need to become good at repairing, forgiving, and messing up.” It’s worth considering this in our lives—I tend to call it mending our fences.

In life, we encounter Zorba’s full catastrophe regularly.  We look for happiness, but people don’t do what we want them to, especially our mates and often our children. This podcast revolved around the importance of understanding that everyone has problems – including each of us. A vital skill for having a good relationship is learning to repair a fractured relationship over and over again and to forgive and forget. Arthur used a metaphor from the Buddha about hot coal. “Forgiveness is letting go of a hot coal you hold in your hand.”  (We are never ever  talking about abuse.) Everyone has problems, and we need to know that whoever we are with will come with their own set of problems. And we had best be realistic about this and rid ourselves of unreasonable expectations.

Relationships

Relationships are the most important parts of our lives. And they aren’t about “happiness” in the way it is often portrayed. “Rather, the best ones are about satisfaction, meaning, purpose, kindness, stable affection, mutual understanding, laughter and commitment—friendship, in a nutshell.” Passion is also there, but it naturally subsides. One researcher bluntly summarizes the evidence in the Journal of Happiness Studies, “The well-being benefits of marriage are much greater for those who also regard their spouse as their best friend.”

Addendum: I want to clarify that I have always loved Zorba’s expression. I also took it as an apt expression of how life is. I am sure he and Kabat-Zinn had a lot in common.