Nothing Happened

Life is amazing. And then it’s awful. And then it’s amazing again. And in between the amazing and awful, it’s ordinary and mundane and routine. Breathe in the amazing, hold on through the awful, and relax and exhale during the ordinary. That’s just living –  heartbreaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life. And it’s breathtakingly beautiful.  L.R. Knost

Hole In the Net

Five or six years ago, I had a close call. It could happen to anyone. While turning left, another driver didn’t notice me and travelled too fast.  There was also the possibility that I was slightly off my timing. Left-hand turns can be tricky. Nevertheless, we came close to a crash, less than a half km from home – not more than 6 inches apart when we ground to a halt. We looked at each other through our windows and for a moment time stopped. She backed up so I could carry on through the intersection. We all knew how close we had come.

But the “hole in the net” was there, and we slipped through. Nothing happened.

How often does nothing happen to you? Every day, people get the dreaded phone calls, accidents, firings, and rejections. But maybe not you at this moment.

Remember during 9/11 when we heard all the stories of people who were saved because their bus was late, an appointment got cancelled, the car broke down, or someone got the flu? It is not unusual in our daily lives to experience near misses that save our lives, get early diagnoses that improve our health outcomes, or perhaps have chance encounters that change things for the better.

Unusual Advice

When I attended an International Morita Therapy Conference at UBC in Vancouver, I was struck by the advice one of the Morita Psychiatrists gave in his presentation. He suggested we take a few minutes now and then to take stock of “what didn’t happen.” I wasn’t in an accident; I caught the pot before it boiled dry; I remembered my passport while I was still in the driveway. How fortunate are those near misses—the ones when nothing happens.

This past two weeks as I was more or less housebound I did think about this suggestion and I also recalled the quote from Bob Dylan’s father: “Even if you don’t have all the things you want, be grateful for the things you don’t have that you don’t want.”

It took very little thinking to create a list of things I didn’t want and didn’t have, and my lingering summer cold, although unwelcome,  became more manageable.

Naturally, my mind thought of this poem – an absolute favourite, and I chose to revive it for you.

A Poem

Could Have (an excerpt)

It could have happened.
It had to happen.
It happened earlier. Later.
Nearer. Farther off.

It happened, but not to you.
You were saved because you were the first.
You were saved because you were the last.
Alone. With others.
On the right. The left.

Because it was raining. Because of the shade.
Because the day was sunny.
You were in luck — there was a forest.
You were in luck — there were no trees.
You were in luck — a rake, a hook, a beam, a brake,
A jamb, a turn, a quarter-inch, an instant . .

So you are here? Still dizzy from
another dodge, close shave, reprieve?
One hole in the net and you slipped through?
I couldn’t be more shocked or
speechless.

Written by Nobel Laureate Wislawa Symborska, trans. Stanislaw
Baranczak and Clare Cavanagh (New York: Harcourt, Brace, 1996)

Notes:

Note 1) One more poem that I think is perfect for today.

This Moment by Howard Olivier

I’m smiling because
a million possible alternatives
which would have precluded
this moment we’re sharing
didn’t happen.

Safe passage through countless intersections
this week;
the absence of calamity
since breakfast;
a thousand breaths received in the last hour,
delivered right on time.

The tapestry of the present moment is
complete and continuously refreshed,
courageous, wholehearted, raw & alive.
Look – here it is, again!

Note 2) The Unfaithful Yes – Saying “yes” to more things than we can actually manage to be present for with integrity and ease of being is, in effect, saying “no” to all those things and people and places we have already said “yes” to, including perhaps, your own well-being.” Jon Kabat -Zinn

Note 3) A reminder that anything I say is not a formula. Everything any of us does is in the context of our particular circumstances, and the best strategy is to learn to trust ourselves. Take away the things that resonate and dismiss what doesn’t make sense to you. Treasure your precious days.

Note 4) I always appreciate you taking the time to read these musings. Thanks from the bottom of my heart. Best wishes, always, Trudy