Make Room for Joy
Life is full of uncertainty and impermanence.
Anything can happen to anybody at any time. Yet, as counterintuitive as this sounds, it is precisely why we need to make room for joy.
I went looking for an old article I had read during Covid by Daisy Hernandes. She wrote about her own struggles with mudita – a term that means taking joy in the joy of others. However, she suggests that if we can’t take joy in our own lives right now that it may be worth practicing mudita- taking joy in the joy of others. She wrote about the complicated relationship we have with joy when things around us are falling apart, like during Covid.
We are in a different situation now, yet, once again, there is loss, shock, fear and despair.
Daisy Hernandes writes:
The complicated relationship we have with joy came to mind last year when so many people were dying from COVID-19 and when so many Black lives were lost to police brutality. Friends repeatedly said a variation of the following: “I’m good. I feel so guilty saying that. I know everything is awful, but I’m well.” Their voices would drop in volume by the end of the sentence as if to say I don’t deserve to have you take joy in my joy. I might even be a terrible person for enjoying my life in the midst of so much pain.
Jill Shepherd, (a Buddhist teacher) though, insisted that mudita was necessary right now. ‘It’s precisely because there’s so much suffering in the world that I’ve needed to make the effort to turn toward non-suffering, toward gladness or joy, in order to restore myself so that I can face life’s challenges.’ She was right. Joy can be restorative. It can be akin to a good meal: nourishing and necessary. This made me reconsider…”
Today is the birthday of my beloved daughter-in-law, and I take joy in her presence in our family. To celebrate, I took a longer walk than usual, kept my eye peeled for birds since she is a bird watcher, and stopped along the way to admire bluebells, magnolia buds, and some kind of yellow weed that I found very attractive. For the first time, I stopped at a cafe, where they had soft armchairs, and sipped a delicious iced tea. Small joys that prompted me to think of all my good fortune this past couple of weeks, as I steadily recover. Taking pleasure in the joy of others and enjoying the good things in our own lives, when so much is wrong with the world.
The truth is that the world contains multitudes, as do each of us.
We must not forget the good things around us, as we deal with the hard stuff. An old friend was just diagnosed with a life-threatening cancer and my heart goes out to her and her loved ones. Once again, we come up against impermanence as a natural consequence of being alive. It brings to mind something I wrote down yesterday.
“Whatever goodness we’re capable of doing, we should do now, when we have the opportunity, because the opportunity won’t always be there.” Thanissaro Bhikkhu
Ultimately, we have a shared humanity around the big stuff—birth, ageing, illness, and death. And everything else that happens in between brings meaning, love, family, friendship, memories, beauty, music, poetry, nature…the great good fortune of being alive.
As a toast to aliveness and finding joy, I turn to Rosie Fernandez. Rosie is a CBC producer who didn’t like her name – until something incredible happened. I hope that you listen to this heartwarming and inspiring story on CBC Tapestry. It takes ten minutes and it is worth it. Rosie Fernandez
Let’s take heart wherever we are on the narrow ridge and do our best not to take anything for granted.
Notes
1:) Rob took the banner photo in Vancouver.
2:) I love the message of resilience with these two humble photos, taken on my stroll today.
3:) Thank you for coming by. I never take it for granted, and I appreciate each and every one of you. All my heartfelt wishes for things to be as best they can be.
Dear Trudy,
What a lovely post to arrive in my inbox this evening. After the loss of a dear friend last week, your words land with such resonance for me. Impermanence as a consequence of being alive, doing goodness now when we have the opportunity, and the shared great fortune of being alive. Perfect words to share.
And following the link to Rosie Fernandez and her name poem was a delight, Upon the heels of which followed the Tapestry episode entitled Rumi: the poet laureate of the planet earth. How perfect is that?
My best wishes to you and all the joys of spring.
Lorie 🙂
Hi dear Lori:Thank you for all these word gifts. I am happy to hear that you found both solace and joy in these scribbles. I am sorry to hear about your good friend and I send you my heartfelt sorrow. It is hard to lose someone we love. Take care. Warmly, Trudy
Hi Trudi – I needed this tonight. I have shingles and the pain has been quite difficult. Thought the pills had reined it in but I found out it has spread to my left eye. Filled me with despair. However, I may not be finding my own joy but perhaps looking for joy from others with help me get through this. Thank you
Oh dear Pat – shingles! This is a big challenge to deal with. I am so so sorry that you have to go through this. Do what you can to take care of your self. I hope that you are doing a little better this week – please let me know. I apologize for taking so long to respond. Sending all my best wishes, Trudy
It can be such a challenge to find joy when so many are suffering, and yet, I notice when I get stuck in sympathetic suffering, it does nothing to relieve another person’s pain. Instead, looking for small joys (as you do) lifts me up and allows me not to turn away from the suffering of others. Your posts are always a source of mudita and I thank you for that. Spring joys to you dear Trudy.
Hi dear Janice, home again. The willows are waving along the canal and the magnolias are flowering.You can enjoy them on your first walk back. Thank you for your many kindnesses. Trudy
Great timing as usual Trudy. A very good reminder that while detours are happening in one place, joy appears in another. Keep healing dear friend.
Thank you dear Jean. I hope you have a few surprises this week that make you smile.Take heart! Warmly, Trudy
Thank you, Trudy, for another thoughtful, inspiring blog. I love the photos and enjoyed the audio of the poem. I used to wish for a different name because of the teasing referencing Peter Pan.
When I first learned about mudita I found it helpful as a practice to counter my envy of others and feelings of less-than. I really appreciate the reminder now 🙏. I’m happy to hear your recuperation is going well and you are enjoying walks in nature.
Blessings,
Wendy
Thank you dear Wendy. Glad to hear that you enjoyed the poem. As a child, I was unhappy with my name because I was always the only Trudy in my school. “If only you had called me something good, like Mary or Linda or Karen,” (popular names of my generation) a monotonous refrain to my sweet mother. Although now I am happy with my name – I grew into it. :-)) I too could relate with Rosie’s dilemma. Warmly, Trudy