Living a Long Time – a repost from 2021
Two Interesting Articles
Five years ago I read two interesting articles on milestone Birthdays. The first one was written by Jane Brody, in the New York times, whom I have been reading off and on for 40 years. She opened this latest article, A Birthday Milestone: Turning 80! with a question and an answer.
“The secret to a happy and vibrant old age? Strive to do what you love for as long as you can do it.”
This fits with my experience. I often say that retirement is not part of my vocabulary. There are several reasons for that but the dominant one is that I love what I am doing. Writing my blog, facilitating webinars and programs for people living with illness and playing an influential role in my grandchildren’s lives gives my life meaning and purpose. Furthermore, I should mention, cycling,(not so much anymore) poetry, nature photography and learning new things. I am lucky to have several reasons to get up in the morning.
Here is the thing.
The work I do is not a job. It’s a way of life, and although I realize that I need to systematically reevaluate how much time I devote to my work I have no desire to give it up.
I love how Jane Brody, a columnist, writes easily about “lost words and grammatical errors,” as she turns 80 this year. I noticed the same lapses when I was 75, and more now. One of the differences is she has an editor who fixes her lapses and mine go, imperfectly, out into the world. Yikes! Although in my webinars, when I forget a word, I invite my participants to call it out to me. They always know and generously get me back on track. I was delighted when I came to be emotionally relaxed about those dropped words and could easily ask for help. I simply see my brain as being filled to overflowing and on occasion it springs a leak.
An important part of living well and long is a gentle and realistic acknowledgement of the things that may no longer be possible. Brody puts it this way:
“If the vicissitudes of life or infirmities of age preclude a preferred activity, modify it or substitute another. I can no longer safely skate, ski or play tennis, but I can still bike, hike and swim. I consider daily physical activity to be as important as eating and sleeping. I accept no excuses. And as you can see I still write…”
Help Ourselves
Brody doesn’t mince words about how we can help ourselves have fewer lost words, fewer aches and pains, and fewer mobility issues by getting enough sleep, moving our body everyday, eating healthy food and not too much, and maintaining a strong and vital social life. This is where my mind is going now – the need to make time for these basics. We all know the value of the basics. It is not lack of information that is the problem rather it is lack of consistent action. Not for all, I’m sure. I suspect that you are much better than me dear reader, but I am ready to turn over a new leaf once again.
Dr. Muriel Gillick
This brings me to the second article, by Dr.Muriel Gillick, a physician who specializes in the care of patients with advanced illness (palliative care) or advanced age (geriatrics), or both. She is also a professor at Harvard Medical School, writes a blog called Life In the End Zone, and she just turned 70. Coincidentally, she quotes Jane Brody this week too, and between the two articles I realized that it was time to re-evaluate my own lifestyle to make sure that I am doing my part. The main obstacle I face due to my work is that I spend alot of time sitting.
Gillick noticed a paragraph in Brody’s article that struck me:
Without regular exercise, she opines, “you can expect to experience a loss of muscle strength and endurance, coordination and balance, flexibility and mobility, bone strength and cardiovascular and respiratory function.” Translated into geriatric lingo, what she is saying is that to preserve function, the ability to walk, to do errands, even to dress and bathe without help, regular exercise is important.
Of course just like saving money, Dr. Gillick states that much of this work needs to be started when we are young. Of course, when we were young we couldn’t imagine mobility issues but my kids can. They prioritize exercise and sleep in ways that didn’t occur to me. I took false pride in how effective I could be without optimal sleep. No more, by the way. I know the toll it takes.
Milestone Birthdays
So like all of you, these milestone Birthdays remind us to take the time to question if we need to make some changes. One important point in Gillick’s blog post, which I concur with because I see it all the time is this:
The idea of successful aging has been the subject of both intense criticism and passionate enthusiasm. One problem is that we all want to lead a “good life,” but we may have very different ideas of what that looks like. Sometimes, what we think we need for a good life turns out not to be what we need at all: people who have a life-altering medical condition, whether Parkinson’s or osteoarthritis or chronic obstructive pulmonary disease may wish they hadn’t developed that disorder but find that they are nonetheless able to lead rich, enjoyable lives.
I follow up, as usual, with the words of Dr. Art Frank from the University of Calgary:
The ill and impaired may, in the sense of fulfilling life, be far more free than healthy people. The healthy require health as an affirmation that their will is still effective and they must continually prove this effectiveness. The ill accept their vulnerability as an affirmation that the world is perfect without any exercise of their will, and this acceptance is their freedom…we are free only when we no longer require health, however much we may prefer it.”
I so appreciate this statement of Dr. Frank. Yes, I will do my part to remain healthy and mobile. However, I will never believe for an instant that our lifestyle prevents or cures, in the way we can turn a light switch on and off. I have met far too many people who have done all the right things and still been struck down by an illness that is out of their control and absolutely not of their making.
However, when we have a reasonable lifestyle we do improve the quality of our everyday lives no matter our circumstances. And when illness strikes we are in a better position to deal with it. So, it is very much something worth doing.
The Good Life
We all get to make choices, when we are privileged to do so, and in the end I stick with what I see as the most important component of the “good life.” Our relationships. Here is our gold. No matter what happens, this is the secret to the well-lived life – taking care of our loved ones and allowing them to care for us. And expanding that caring in ever increasing circles. Sharing our sorrows and our joys.
PS Just the same, paying attention to the basics will always help us to do that.
Notes
Note 1:) Link for Jane Brody.
Note 2:) A photo of my son Rob on his birthday – the 13th. It is thanks to him for many beautiful photos including the dragon fly today and the last poppy of summer.
Note 3:) I have had a particularly packed week so went looking for a post I did five years ago when Jane Brody turned 80. In two months that will be my age. I hope we all find something here that reminds us to keep moving but not striving.
Note 4:) May you get to spend lots of time outdoors and immerse yourself in sunshine, bird song, blossoms and many shades of green. And please accept my thanks for dropping by once again. I appreciate you! Warmest wishes, Trudy
Trudy such a timely post. I will be 85 in October and am struggling with the transtion of what I could do, what I cannot do and trying to fine a happy medium. Accept with grace the limits, find joy each day and allow self to be exhausted and without energy on a given day. Friendship and laughter keep me going, the connections through Forest Bathing with Emma, a writing group and my garden help keep me interested and of course, my friendship with my mentor and dear friend Elli keep things in perspective. I love your positive attitude and savour your words of wisdom. Thank you Trudy.
Wow. All these wonderful people whom I have actually met who are now in their 80’s. Truth is the 80’s look good on all of you. I think I am looking a little seedy, as my uncle used to say about himself.:-)) In truth it varies from day to day is what I am observing. But back to Jane Brody, even when my body feels stiff and achy and I would rather not go for a walk, if I do, it always feels better. It hurts at first but then it gets better so when I return I feel better than when I left. The trick is to not over do it. Eighty is not the new sixty. It’s so interesting, this business of living a long time, don’t you think? If we take a step back and don’t get entangled in how things used to be we have a chance to discover new and meaningful interests and relationships in our “end zone.” Thank you for so frequently inspiring us here, Pat. As always, Trudy
A beautiful article as always and timely for me as in August I will be 86.it seems like yesterday I was 80.happy to say I am still line dancing.
I remember when you turned 80 because it was when I had started my weekly webinars at Wellspring six years ago in March.It is hard to believe that all that time has flown by. You have been so pro active Jean and it is wonderful to witness. And line dancing demands a lot of skill. Good for you! Thanks so much for your note, As always,
Trudy
Timely article. At 85 physical ailments pop up out of no where, my moods fluctuate. Living in a retirement community is the best decision I ever made among my peers with similar aches+pains to commiserate with and know there is a friend right next door.
Yeah Susan: How lovely to hear from you. My mother had a similar experience as you. She moved into a retirement community at 88 and she swore that it was the best thing she could have done. She loved the community of others close by and still having her own space. I am happy that it is working so well for you. All the best, Trudy
Dear Trudy: lovely article, tried and true, worth repeating.
My 81st birthday on July 5th. Read an article with a question, if you had only one year to live, how would you spend the time?
Time has a way of slipping by for “older persons.” Food for thought, started back exercising, as those around me and younger, are remarking about losing their balance. Staying in touch with friends another important aspect for myself.
A good summer so far and being pro-active with well-being is key.
Dear Trudy, this is an inspiring post (as usual). As you know, I’m right behind you in age so always looking to my elders for wisdom of which there is much here. Thanks as always and may you enjoy each sweet moment of this brief summertime. xoxo
Thank you Janice. The truth is it isn’t always easy to keep moving and each of us has to gauge what works for us. I am a fan of moving my body but never at breakneck speed and I am already letting go of certain things. As I mentioned to another reader, letting go isn’t the big problem. Rather it is still doing the things we can do and maybe finding some joy in it too. (I am still working on that part)All the best, Trudy
Thank you Marilyn. You are always an inspiration.You have had such a realistic and contented approach to living a life. You put into practice what matters most. And you are so right about time and how it flies. Knowing how you want to spend your time and then taking action must be very satisfying. May you continue to have a good summer and a sense of well-being. As always,Trudy
Hi Folks, I am enjoying Trudy’s blog.. As an 83 year old man, I find it interesting and a bit sad to see how different most men and women approach and deal with aging. I go to my gym to an exercise class for elders. there are about 80 women there and two guys. Same as many Senior gatherings. Women are comfortable sharing their truths and getting support from other women. Sadly most men seem to withdraw when adversity occurs. Perhaps this is changing in younger generations. Fortunately, I have a few old buddies still kicking, but reaching out to new guys on a friendship level is tough getting someone who is open to new friendship. My wife has it much easier. Women seek out support and engagement. Hopefully, this will change with new generations of men. In meantime, I keep trying… That’s what we all, of course, need to do…
Dear Martin: What a lovely surprise to receive your note and to get your take on the differences between how men and women age.You got me thinking…I have certainly noticed the difference in how men and women face an illness like cancer but I didn’t think that was the case for the gym. I wonder if it is just the gym or is it walking and hiking too. And is it because of the word, elders? I do think this will change when I observe my adult children, now in their mid 50’s, along with their friends. They certainly take exercise and fitness training seriously.Yet, when the time comes for all of us to face our limitations due to living a long time will we choose to do the things we still can do, or, do we call it quits. Glad to hear that you are one of those who are out their “doing your part” as my mother called her daily walks and exercise classes. Thanks for this observation and I may introduce your comment into the next blog and see if we hear from some other men. Best wishes and keep moving, Trudy
Thanks Trudy! Both this week and last week really hit a cord for me. I have felt incredibly irked lately constantly running into advice about superagers and feeling incompetent as a facilitator that I can’t make it so simple for the people I work with. It’s as if you are an idiot if you can’t summarize all teaching into three simple steps that will work for everyone instantaneously. And who is this advice for anyways? If we are having a down day or are living with illness already clearly we’ve missed the boat!
Anyways, now I’m ranting, but I just wanted to say that I really appreciate all the wonderful advice you share with us and at the same time your sensitivity to your audience. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, maybe we should be searching for advice from the mediocre ager.
The most practical advice I’ve gotten lately is watching this piece on artist Doris McCarthy’s life at home in fool’s paradise:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8MDG_k6LAg.
🙂 I normally would send this to you in an email, but perhaps some of your readers will enjoy too!
Dear Emma:One thing we can be sure of is that I am a mediocre ager. I love that term because I too am so tired of “action figures” and the three easy steps to “peace of mind.” So I have momentarily joined you in your rant.:-)) I LOVE the video about Doris McCarthy, an artist I had not known until now. I should say I love her. What an artist and what an engaging, humble and thoughtful human being. I will put the video in my notes this coming Wednesday as many readers don’t get to see these comments.Thank you so very much for sending this along. I appreciate all the wonders and the wonderful people you have introduced me too these past few years.Warmest wishes, Trudy