I Want to be Remembered For This
My Epitaph
Ten years ago, when I was baking special Christmas cookies called Basler Brunsli, made from almonds, chocolate, sugar, egg whites and spices (hmm, I guess this makes them gluten free as well as delicious) my grandchildren Sophie and Rowan were close at hand, faces aglow, as I removed the cookies from the oven. The children were four and eight at that time.
They were sitting at the kitchen bar in rapt attention to the sight and smell of the cookies. When my back was turned, I overheard Sophie quietly say to her younger brother, as he eyed the tray of small, chocolate bears. “Rowan, you need to know that Nana turns a blind eye to the cookies at Christmas.”
At that moment, I felt pure delight, if not actual enlightenment. Like I had done something so supremely good in the world that I hadn’t even been aware of. As I looked into the faces of these dear children, I was grateful to be the one who “turned a blind eye to the cookies at Christmas.” They were unaware that I had overheard the conversation. I thought then, as I still think now, this is enough for me. This is what I want to be remembered for – Nana turns a blind eye to the cookies at Christmas.
This past weekend was our tree decorating and the first cookies for Christmas baking day. Each year we have the same sweet rituals, and the same special ornaments. Yet, somehow, it never gets old. And I still turn a blind eye to the cookies at Christmas.
And it isn’t just about the cookies.
It was about the confidence they had in me that, at Christmas time, they could enjoy these special little cookies with ease and joy and on their own terms. When I open the freezer and see crumbs scattered and the container not fully closed, I smile to myself.
Am I worried that they will eat too many and get sick? No. I am not. It hasn’t happened yet. My confidence in the ritual of certain traditions and the knowledge that chocolate is also a vitamin (vitamin CH) allows me to celebrate their joy. 
And this is one of several reasons why I love Christmas.
The Christmas tree is another example. In the darkness of November and December, in our northern climate, we need to warm our bodies and souls. Lights, candles, fireplaces, good food and a beautiful tree in the house does just that, for me, along with the good company of loved ones.
As we decorate our tree, we dedicate the first few favourite ornaments to others, and say why. It turns the process into a reflective and fun event as we sometimes have tears and laughter in our remembering. After a couple of rounds we go back to finding just the right spot for whatever decoration we hold in our hands and then at random times one of us pauses (me, in this case) and says, “I want to dedicate this beautiful star to my friends in Calgary,” as an example. The children always remember their family who live in different areas of the country so Grandma and Grandpa, Opa and uncle Rob, Jonathan and Michael and so on…they eventually all get named. If not this year, next.
There is wonderful music and comfortable chairs to curl up into, where we can read for a few hours. (after Christmas is more truthful) Maybe, have a nap for those who like such things. And always the tree to glance at, in all its splendor.
And so, the holidays have arrived, and all of us arrive with our own traditions of bringing light to the darkness.
However we choose to spend this time, may it be with love and joy and yes, sadness, too, for all of our losses. May we say yes to what is important and meaningful and no to the things that no longer matter to us.
I do urge you, nonetheless, to celebrate all that is good in your lives and not succumb to the cynicism and despair that can so easily gather in a crowd of sorrows. Find your people, those who light you up, and be that light to others.
Warmest wishes, Trudy
Note 1: The big people in my family are just as excited about those cookies. I turn a blind eye to the young and old adults too.
Note 2: Every year in December I haul out this reflection by GK Chesterton because I love it. It is a unique perspective on Santa/life/reality…you may enjoy it too. The photo of this tree was taken in Quebec City in 2013. Roaming around the old city was a fun filled afternoon with delightful surprises around every corner. This is my favourite image from that day. And here is Chesterton:
“What has happened to me has been the very reverse of what appears to be the experience of most of my friends. Instead of dwindling to a point, Santa Claus has grown larger and larger in my life until he fills almost the whole of it. It happened in this way.
As a child I was faced with a phenomenon requiring explanation. I hung up at the end of my bed an empty stocking, which in the morning became a full stocking. I had done nothing to produce the things that filled it. I had not worked for them, or made them or helped to make them. I had not even been good – far from it.
And the explanation was that a certain being whom people called Santa Claus was benevolently disposed toward me. . . . What we believed was that a certain benevolent agency did give us those toys for nothing. And, as I say, I believe it still. I have merely extended the idea.
Then I only wondered who put the toys in the stocking; now I wonder who put the stocking by the bed, and the bed in the room, and the room in the house, and the house on the planet, and the great planet in the void.
Once I only thanked Santa Claus for a few dollars and crackers. Now, I thank him for stars and street faces, and wine and the great sea. Once I thought it delightful and astonishing to find a present so big that it only went halfway into the stocking. Now I am delighted and astonished every morning to find a present so big that it takes two stockings to hold it, and then leaves a great deal outside; it is the large and preposterous present of myself, as to the origin of which I can offer no suggestion except that Santa Claus gave it to me in a fit of peculiarly fantastic goodwill.” G.K. Chesterton
Note 3: Winter is fully here in Ottawa, and I admit there are beautiful days. Just stay bundled up if you, too, live in the wintry zones.
Note 4: Thank you for reading this blog today. It is a bit of new and a bit of old but mostly what I am thinking about. I had wanted to share a recording I made of a favourite story, but I can’t figure out how to do it, so by next week you will have it. I always appreciate hearing from you, and I thank you all for showing up in this space. With gratitude, Trudy
Thank you so much, Trudy, for always remembering me of being grateful for what I’ve got – and this is alot:-) Living in paradise with beloved people, having it warm, enough to eat (too much, to be honest;-)), being healthy, not having to worry about bombs…
Have a wonderful Christmas (you surely will) and a healthy, relaxed and yet exciting 2026.
With much appreciation and love
Sabine
Oh Sabine. I can picture you in your own little paradise at this special time of year. You continually beam goodwill from that big heart of yours. I am grateful for your encouraging words. This weekend I am meeting our mutual friends gregg and Linda in Montreal. They drive and I take the train. A delight to look forward to. Warm greetings, Trudy
Trudy
This is my second time reading your post. I was delighted to listen to the music selection you shared last time.
Would you be willing to share this cookie recipe? I am recently diagnosed with celiac disease and would welcome “new” Christmas cookies to bake.
Blessings to you
Thank you Barbara, for your lovely note. I will send you three delicious recipes. It is fun for me to pass them on. I won’t be able to do this until later today but I will send to your email. With appreciation for reading my blog. Kind regards, Trudy
Trudy, I envy you for being able to meet with them – I would love to be with all of you:-)
Please give them a big hug from me. Looking forward to seeing you soon at least through the lens of my computer-camera:-)
We had a great visit and I passed on your greetings. Montreal is a lovely winter city. Enjoy these days. Trudy
Trudy what a beautiful way to start my day. I haven’t even had a sip of coffee – will now, but I was glued to those words of yours and am grateful for all things in my life including you. Love surrounds you from coast to coast and this post is very powerful and inspiring. And today I will light a candle and say your name.
Dear Pat: What a gift to receive from you during this season of goodwill. Thank you for your candle and all your kind thoughts of me. May you enjoy this time with loved ones. Gentle hugs, Trudy
Thank you, Trudy, for that beautiful, joy-producing blog. It warmed my heart and I read it over twice. Having struggled with some health issues, I needed your joy of life and tradition, to buoy me up. Also, you have interesting friends and I like reading their comments. It’s easy to get discouraged with things in the US as they are just now, so your reminders of the best of life lift my weary spirit. Thank you, again, my friend.
Dear Carol: Thank you for all of your kind words. It is a precious gift to me when some of my scribbles are helpful or encouraging. Take heart! And may you find something or someone each day that brings a few moments of joy.Big hugs, Trudy
I feel joy thinking of you and yours at Christmas Trudy. Cherish every moment.
Thank you dear Jean. You are always so kind. Warmly, Trudy