Here I am Again Musing about What Matters

Limited Time Is Not the Problem (Here I am again)

“The real problem isn’t our limited time. The real problem—or so I hope to

convince you—is that we’ve unwittingly inherited, and feel pressured to live by, a

troublesome set of ideas about how to use our limited time, all of which are pretty

much guaranteed to make things worse…the modern world provides an

inexhaustible supply of things that seem worth doing, and so there arises an

inevitable and unbridgeable gap between what you’d ideally like to do and what

you actually can do.”…What’s needed instead in such situations, I gradually came

to understand is a kind of anti-skill: not the counter-productive strategy of trying

to make yourself more efficient, but rather a willingness to resist such urges, to

learn to stay with the anxiety of feeling overwhelmed, of not being on top of

everything, without automatically responding by trying to fit more in. To approach

your days in this fashion means, instead of clearing the decks, declining to clear

the decks, focusing instead on what’s truly of greatest consequence while tolerating

the discomfort of knowing that, as you do so, the decks will be filling.”  Burkeman, Oliver. Four Thousand Weeks: The smash-hit bestseller that will change your life (p. 50). Penguin Canada. Kindle Edition.

No wonder Burkeman speaks to me.

The invitations from life keep arriving, and it is natural to want to say yes…yes…yes…We live in a world where the popular culture insists that if we get the right technique, have more self-discipline and will power, we can actually do it all. We just need the right tools and calendar. The fact that it is impossible to do everything doesn’t enter the equation and we are more likely to blame ourselves or others for not managing.

The buffet table is laden with delectable choices. There are a wealth of excellent things to select from. Lifelong learning has never looked so good. Not to speak of hobbies, mindfulness practices, exercise and nutrition. The latter leaves a lot to be desired, as it takes thoughtful navigation to read the reasonable and realistic suggestions regarding well-being. As far as I am concerned, there is no number of steps or blueberries that lead to a life of perfect health, happiness and meaning. However, there are things that we can do to improve the quality of our everyday life. My mother’s motto was “do your part.”

Books matter to me. Still, I look at the stack of books by my bed and in my study. I can’t possibly read them all and still be alive and lively with other things that matter to me that require my time and presence. We all have our ways of moving along life’s road. And we need time to notice who we are and what counts. What gives your life meaning?

Then we need to see what can come off our plates.  Things we no longer want to do. This is not the same as the things you may not particularly like that are part of your unique responsibilities. Things that you “couldn’t or wouldn’t put down,” as poet Mary Oliver says.

Competing Purposes

The idea of being realistic is not a formula. Recall when a new baby arrived in the house, and it took all day for the care and feeding of this beautiful child. For those who could turn a blind eye to a less-than-spotless house, (as only one example), this time with a newborn and toddler is amazing. For those who want to do everything they did before, plus look after a new baby, they will suffer or exhaust themselves. It doesn’t mean that this is your life forever; rather, what it means is to realistically respond to the present needs of your situation.

One personal example was when I came to Ottawa at 65 to be part of the everyday life of my two youngest grandchildren, almost one and just turned five years old. Friends asked me where I found the energy to be so involved. I realized that I chose to put any competing purposes on hold. I said a purposeful no to many things I would have loved to do because I wanted my energy for my grandchildren, family and restoring my own health. What mattered most was to be part of the everyday life of my Ottawa family, to get healthy and strong, be present-centred, cultivate creative pursuits, have fun and be active with walking, swimming and cycling. Guess what? All of those things fit right into the gift of caring for young children.

Had I accepted competing purposes, as much as I may have enjoyed them, it would not have worked in those early days.

We have many chapters in our book of life. We change, and our circumstances change. There is nothing wrong with having a full and busy life unless it is wearing you down and you find yourself trying and failing to meet everyone else’s expectations. This can be a tap on the shoulder to take things off our plates.

When we wake up to a new, fresh day, let’s consider not cramming it full from dawn to dusk but leaving breathing room for enjoying part of the day doing or not doing what matters most. Truthfully, I am still flabbergasted about how a day gets filled up. If I don’t prioritize the more personal things that I want to do (and put them in my calendar), there is almost no time at the end of the day. Even after all these years, I find it quite fascinating. The big change, after all these years, is that I am no longer criticizing myself. I just start again the next day.

Notes

1:) Abraham Verghese Delivers the Commencement Address | Harvard Commencement 2025. He is a favourite physician/author of mine, and I enjoyed his unusual convocation address.

Listen here. (29 minutes)

2:) A little music Carole King You’ve Got a Friend

3:) May you keep on keeping on. I send you all my best wishes and my gratitude for showing up here every week. All the best, Trudy