Always this beginning:

Twelve years ago my friend sent me the following stanza by poet Marge Piercy from her poem, The Spring Offensive of the Snail. She also added this note, “This is a great poem to start off the New Year. There is a ceremony among some First Nations people, which involves throwing water over their backs seven times. In doing so, they wash away any habits or thoughts no longer beneficial for growth.  People forgive those who have harmed them and ask forgiveness of those they have harmed.  Now they are ready to start the year anew.”

“…But remember to bury
all old quarrels
behind the garage for compost.
Forgive who insulted you.
Forgive yourself for being wrong.
You will do it again
for nothing living
resembles a straight line,
certainly not this journey
to and fro, zigzagging
you there and me here
making our own road onward
as the snail does…”   excerpt from Marge Piercy’s poem

Restfulness

I am interested in restfulness as we enter this year. It’s a bit of a quandary that at a time when we are predisposed to hibernate with a need to curl up in front of the fire there are many demands to exercise our will in all manner of goals and resolutions for the New Year. Common ones are to eat less and exercise more, get started on the unfinished projects from last year and create BIG new goals for 2022. I am reconsidering all of this and looking at the first three months differently. Possibly as a time to cultivate restfulness.

Restfulness doesn’t mean feet up and doing nothing. It certainly doesn’t mean laziness. Rather I see it as wisely using our time to do the things we need to do while leaving enough space in between each activity so we are not agitated.  Rather than booking our calendar back to back and relying on our will to see us through why not try something different. How about adding rest notes throughout our day, not just at the end.  Maybe we take 5-15 minute intervals, (without turning this also into a task-oriented life) in order to actually enjoy this wonderful gift of waking up. In order to enjoy our contributions.

I’m thinking of the pauses we could interject to breathe, gaze out the window, read a poem, scribble in our journal, close our eyes. A mindful walk through the day where we aren’t running to catch up but rather walking and noticing the beauty of the sights and sounds. Being present to what unfolds.

Your important work will still get done.

The longer we are bound to our desk chair the harder it is to pause. To take three breaths. To stand and stretch our legs. Little breaks can help us to accomplish our important tasks without breaking our backs or our psyche. Jon Kabat-Zinn, the founder of Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction has a good definition of overwhelm: he defines overwhelm as “life is unfolding at a pace that I find unmanageable in my psyche and in my nervous system.” If that is the case we can do something about it.

Life is a banquet with so much to choose from. We can’t have it all without serious indigestion.  I want to savour a few things this year that I love by saying no to other things that I would also like. It’s all about limited time. I’m not good at any of this but I want to experiment.

To Be Present

I know my heart is wanting simplicity and meaning, and restfulness is part of this. Poet and philosopher David Whyte claims that we aren’t meant to work 8 or 9 hours a day through will. For instance, it takes no will at all for me to prepare and present my Friday webinars at Wellspring Calgary because I love doing them. I am preparing a conversation and finding a poem and music to complement the topic. All things I love. Friday is my Wellspring day and it is topped off by spending an hour with wonderful people.  I don’t take on competing purposes that day and I am rested and rejuvenated and filled with delight when the day is done. It allows me to be present.

When we can do something like this we can give the best of ourselves. And as Whyte also says we get a glimpse of what we have already been given.

In the spring when the sun is coming up early and the evenings are getting longer and the earth is coming back to life is time enough for considering some of my more audacious goals. I might take advantage of spring fever instead of demanding constant service from my willpower. Will power is important but we demand a lot from it and I want to modify my thinking a bit – give it a break.

So, my wonderful readers, each day is a new day. We don’t need a new year to make any changes we are curious about and I have no idea what is best for you. The truth is, YOU are the expert on you.

As for me, this new year, I am aiming for a few more contemplative and meaningful moments without rushing. Restfulness. I am curious about the possibilities.

Notes

1:) Once again we are in difficult times. Like the others, it will pass, but not without angst and suffering for many. Please, take heart! May you stay safe, yet, not isolated. We all know ways to do this now.

2:) “There may be a good reason to move quickly. there is never a good reason to rush…what happens if you soften and slow, just a little bit? Feel how that changes your experience. Your sense of yourself. Your capacity for ease in the moment.” Martin Aylward, “The Art of Slowing down.”

3:) I am honoured and delighted to start off 2022 here with you. Please accept my best wishes and my thanks for your generous and encouraging words and know I so appreciate them. A thought – if you have a favourite poem or two you would like to share, you are more than welcome to send me a copy. Warmly, Trudy

PS the photos: Both from Gottfried’s library. The banner was taken in Yellowknife in January 2003 (I think) and the second one from  Gabriola Island looking across the coast Salish Sea in the general direction of  Vancouver.

One Word

Recently I participated in an eight-week program called Living Fearlessly: Facing the Inevitable,  from the New York Zen Center. Each week we went around our Zoom room and began by stating how we were feeling by uttering one word. On occasion, we were invited to use two words. A novel approach, to say the least, and as the weeks went on I found it surprisingly useful.

This morning, on the 22^nd of December, I woke up in my cozy bed,  filled with gratitude, for exactly who I was and where I was. It caught me off guard,  as I went to bed last night weary and concerned about a myriad of things.

So, to wake up, in such an enlivened state, not only refreshed but, with a wellspring of gratitude was an unexpected surprise and a great gift. And, now, as I sit here typing away, Christmas card snowflakes are falling outside my window and I have this lovely contentment of being exactly where I need to be. My one-word feeling state today is gratitude.

Gratefulness

I looked up what one of my favourite teachers, Brother David Steindl-Rast, had to say about gratefulness. Here is a snippet:

“People usually think that gratitude is saying thank you, as if this were the most important aspect of it. The most important aspect of the practice of grateful living is trust in life. Every human being every day has to make a practical choice between trusting life or not trusting life. Again and again in life, one is tempted to distrust and to fear…if you try out distrusting life and always questioning life, you find that it makes you absolutely miserable. Or you can try trusting life and whatever comes up, saying, ‘Well, maybe I don’t like it but I trust that life gives me good things—that life is trustworthy.’ To live that way is what I call ‘grateful living’ because then you receive every moment as a gift. And really the gift within the gift is opportunity. This is when you stop long enough to ask yourself, ‘What’s the opportunity in this moment?’ You look for it and then take advantage of that opportunity. It’s as simple as that.

You have a practical way to look at it—stop, look, go.

Yes, we call it stop, look, go. The first is to stop and pause long enough. The second is to look for the opportunities to find gratitude. Then go take advantage of it. Grateful living is based on having trust and taking advantage of all the opportunities to live a joyful life. People who haven’t tried it don’t believe it, but most of life is an opportunity to enjoy. When you try it, you find it to be true.

You haven’t thought of all the things you take for granted: breathing, walking, simply being alive. Having eyes to see, having friends, having something to eat. If you take these for granted, they don’t do anything. When we meet other people, even if they are not particularly likable, we find that they are interesting and different and provide an opportunity to learn and grow. Even in politics or in the office or in the family, there are things against which we have the opportunity to protest and say, ‘This is as far as I go,’ but these are also opportunities to be joyful in the midst of unhappiness—to enjoy life.”

To Be Conscious

At this time of year, to be conscious of all of our blessings, not just our material ones, (which aren’t to be downplayed,) is a wondrous gift. It reminds me of something professor and author, Dr. Art Frank wrote:

“Suffering and loss are not incompatible with life.” From his book,  At the Will of the Body: Reflections on Illness.

Dr Frank continues: “the ill and impaired may, in the sense of fulfilling life, be far more free than healthy people. The healthy require health as an affirmation that their will is still effective, and they must continually prove this effectiveness. The ill accept their vulnerability as an affirmation that the world is perfect without any exercise of their will, and this acceptance is their freedom…we are free only when we no longer require health, however much we may prefer it.”

There was a time when I had some disagreement with Dr. Frank but I notice the longer I live the more I come into alignment with the paradox and the wisdom of this. Not just health but for our other troubles and losses as well. So many times our expectations get in the way of our chance to enjoy a moment. You know I don’t mean being grateful for everything. Noone can do that, nor should we. Rather it is going beyond our expectations, pain, and obstacles and noticing what else is true.

My wish

My wish for all of you is for the courage and strength not just to manage your troubles and heartache but to be open to the moments of beauty, laughter, and joy as well. And notice when the good surprises land on your doorstep. This too can take courage.

I hope each of you has what you need, and when your light is dim, that you move closer to the light of another whom you trust so that you can regain your warmth in the shelter of their glow. May the precious gift of health be yours. And may you seek out beauty, truth, and love – unfailing companions to see us through joy and sorrow.

I am so very grateful to all of you for your kindness and the time that you give to me week after week. And although I am not crazy about the word happiness, only because of how it has been misused in our culture, I wholeheartedly wish you contentment, wherever you are and whoever you are with.

All my wishes and an armload of love,

Trudy

Notes

1:) A traditional version of Stille Nacht by the King’s Singers

2:) A suggestion from my friend, Emma Rooney of Forest Bathing Studio fame. Three Good Things in Nature : Look out for three good things in nature. Record Your Findings. Notice how you feel. Repeat everyday.

3:) A deep bow to each one of you.

I leave you with my annual reflection from GK Chesterton.

“What has happened to me has been the very reverse of what appears to be the experience of most of my friends. Instead of dwindling to a point, Santa Claus has grown larger and larger in my life until he fills almost the whole of it. It happened in this way.

As a child I was faced with a phenomenon requiring explanation.  I hung up at the end of my bed an empty stocking, which in the morning became a full stocking.  I had done nothing to produce the things that filled it.  I had not worked for them, or made them or helped to make them.  I had not even been good – far from it.

And the explanation was that a certain being whom people called Santa Claus was benevolently disposed toward me. . . .  What we believed was that a certain benevolent agency did give us those toys for nothing. And, as I say, I believe it still.  I have merely extended the idea.

Then I only wondered who put the toys in the stocking; now I wonder who put the stocking by the bed, and the bed in the room, and the room in the house, and the house on the planet, and the great planet in the void.

Once I only thanked Santa Claus for a few dollars and crackers. Now, I thank him for stars and street faces, and wine and the great sea. Once I thought it delightful and astonishing to find a present so big that it only went halfway into the stocking.  Now I am delighted and astonished every morning to find a present so big that it takes two stockings to hold it, and then leaves a great deal outside; it is the large and preposterous present of myself, as to the origin of which I can offer no suggestion except that Santa Claus gave it to me in a fit of peculiarly fantastic goodwill.” 

May you be surprised by unexpected blessings and goodwill. See you next week.

PS the Christmas tree is thanks to Patricia Ryan Madson who each year does a watercolour of her tree. The Aurora Borealis  is from Gottfried, who kindly provides me with a vast library of beautiful photos. And a final thanks to my Mother who was and still is the icon of gratefulness.

There are traditions in my life that I love and many of them have to do with stories. This excerpt on affection is one of them and I pull it out every year at Christmas. This evening I looked back to see what I posted on my blog this time last year., and it was this post. I knew this was it, for today. It’s something like bringing out the tree ornaments, year after year, and falling in love with them all over again. What I want to say today is what I wrote last year at this time. I want to remember this short and lovely reflection from CS Lewis.

Affection

Affection is the humblest love-it gives itself no airs. It lives with private things: soft slippers, old clothes, old jokes, the thump of a sleepy dog’s tail on the kitchen floor. The glory of affection is that it can unite those who are not “made for each other,” people who, if not put down by fate in the same household or community, would have nothing to do with one another.

Affection broadens our minds: of all natural loves, it teaches us first to notice, then to endure, then to smile at, then to enjoy, and finally to appreciate, the people who ‘happen to be there.’

Made for us? Thank God, no. They are themselves, odder than you could have believed and worth far more than we guessed.”  C S Lewis

This particular excerpt from CS Lewis has always appealed to me. I suppose it represents what I find in my own large, extended and crazy family. A motley crew for whom I have the greatest love and affection and I am also aware that they have affection for me. How lucky is that?

In an era of continual judgment about everyone’s shortcomings, I come to value the human capacity to be able to tolerate each other’s foibles,  blind spots,  and just plain old-fashioned mistakes. Along with all the wonderful things that we love about each other the whole catastrophe is what makes up our lives.

It is the same with friends. We will all disappoint each other from time to time. It can’t be helped. Life is not about ensuring that everything is designed perfectly just for me, or you, or the next person.  Like death, we all know disappointment will happen.  We will disappoint our friends and family from time to time and they will disappoint us. It can not be avoided. We are human beings. Perfectly imperfect.

Second chances

For many people, this month of December can be painful. And it is sometimes because of fractured or disappointing relationships. I am a believer in second chances and mending fences.  There is enough suffering in the world and if we can do anything to ease that suffering within our own circles of influence, while we can then I am all for it. It is a tradition handed down from my mother and her mother that is a treasure worth preserving.  Don’t misunderstand – sometimes it doesn’t seem to be possible. We all know that too.

This month, affection is my current favorite word. It rises to the top of my list every year in December, as this season prompts so many memories of joys and sorrows. Affection for all the perfectly imperfect people who have been part of my life and a humble affection for my own humanity. We are all in this together, so let’s make the most of it.

May you create moments of enjoyment, and experience affection every single ordinary day.

“I don’t think I’ll last forever,” said Peach.

“That’s okay,” said Blue. “Not many folks do.

But until then, you have me, and I have you.”

-Peach and Blue, by Sarah S. Kilborne, 1994

Notes

1:) It is true that there are many things wrong in the world but there is a whole lot going right.

2:) A beautiful short (1.5 minutes) seasonal song, Ebel: “Leise rieselt der Schnee,” (translation is Softly Falls the Snow) from the Vienna Boys Choir. Listen here.

3:) Thank you for reading my blog each week. I appreciate your notes and encouraging words. Please take care and stay safe. Reach out to friends and family and find some new and old ways to celebrate. See you next week. Warmest wishes, Trudy

I know nothing about enlightenment and I do not pursue it.

I have, however,  read about it so I am aware that it has  something to do with waking up. As for myself some days I am more awake than others but never in the way I have read about it. However, I came close in 2008.

It happened like this. I was going through an extremely difficult part of my chemo and my son from Vancouver and my daughter and two year old granddaughter Sophie from Ottawa, flew out to spend a week with me.The first morning after their arrival, I woke to the sound of Sophie calling out: Nana. Where are you?

I stumbled out of bed and padded across the hall to where she was sleeping. I opened the door and there she was standing up in her crib and practically vibrating with joy.

Nana! Nana! I woked up, she exclaimed, her sweet face ablaze with happiness. And in that instant I woke up too with a surge of joy, laughter and love that has carried me through ever since.

My enlightenment was not the kind the mystics describe but it was oh so perfect for me. After all these years, when I wake up I already know my day is off to a good start no matter what else is going on.

This old memory arose in my heart today as I was out walking with a friend. The sun shone and the great blue heron lifted off across the canal with his majestic wingspan in all of his glory. And I remembered that moment when Sophie declared that she woked up. And I am grateful now as I was then.

Everyday that we wake up we have an opportunity to do at least one lovely thing for ourselves and for another.

Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi,

author, distinguished professor of Psychology and Management, and thought leader, had this to say on “waking up.”

“Wake up in the morning with a specific goal to look forward to. Creative individuals don’t have to be dragged out of bed; they are eager to start the day. This is not because they are cheerful, enthusiastic types. Nor do they necessarily have something exciting to do. But they believe that there is something meaningful to accomplish each day, and they can’t wait to get started on it. Most of us don’t feel our actions are that meaningful. Yet everyone can discover at least one thing every day that is worth waking up for. It could be meeting a certain person, shopping for a special item, potting a plant, cleaning the office desk, writing a letter, trying on a new dress.

It is easier if each night before falling asleep, you review the next day and choose a particular task that, compared to the rest of the day, should be relatively interesting and exciting. Then next morning, open your eyes and visualize the chosen event—play it out briefly in your mind, like an inner videotape, until you can hardly wait to get dressed and get going. It does not matter if at first the goals are trivial and not that interesting. The important thing is to take the easy first steps until you master the habit, and then slowly work up to more complex goals. Eventually most of the day should consist of tasks you look forward to, until you feel that getting up in the morning is a privilege, not a chore.”

― Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Creativity: Flow and the Psychology of Discovery and Invention (1934-2021)

Please carefully note that Mihaly is not talking about the treadmill or just being more efficient and productive. He speaks of something to look forward to.

Children and certain adults are great examples.

Sophie at two was aware, in her own way of the joy of waking up. My friend John who died twelve years ago was also aware of this great privilege. In a phone conversation shortly before his death I was telling him about a particularly great day.

He gently reminded me that they are all good days. “You woke up,” he said. And I agreed. When I hung up from our talk, at that time, I thought about Wu Men’s little poem written hundreds of years ago that I love. I pass it on once again. A little gift for today.

Ten thousand flowers in spring, the moon in autumn,
a cool breeze in summer, snow in winter.
If your mind isn’t clouded by unnecessary things,
this is the best season of your life. Wu-Men (1183-1260)

Notes:

Note 1:) The seminal work of Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience.  You pronounce his name like this: (Me-High  Chick-sent-Me-High) Once you know, it’s easy.

Note 2:) Rumi has a special suggestion for what to do with a day. I think of it as an invitation to mend our fences when appropriate. “Out beyond ideas of right doing and wrong doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”

Note 3:) For those of you who enjoy landscape photography here is a link to this year’s winners I spotted this first in The Atlantic but I prefer the original site where you have more options.

Note 4:) Thursday is American Thanksgiving. To all of my friends, family and my American readers. May you have a lovely day with family and friends and may you take the time to celebrate with each other and count your blessings. I send all of my dear readers my best wishes and so much thanks. Warmly, Trudy

Remembrance Day

In November 2010 I was in London England with my friend Nancy. Of all the things that grabbed my attention,  one that surprised me was the extraordinary number of visual tributes to the Unknown Soldier and all  of those men and women who sacrificed their lives during the wars. It was overwhelming to see all the white crosses with red poppies, covering entire sections of public and church land. All commonwealth countries observe a date close to November 11th or on the 11th, as we do in Canada, since the end of the First World War. It is a moving tribute to honour and express our gratitude to those who lost their lives and sometimes their sanity to protect our freedom.

Traditionally, the poppy is worn from November 2nd to the 11th and that is what I recall from my childhood. It acts as a reminder to not take freedom for granted. And to understand that people died, usually young people, on our behalf, in those brutal wars. Over time I have also added civilian casualties to my remembrance.

With that in mind, I will bow my head for a moment of silence at 11:00 am, on the 11th day of the 11th month.  As do the school children, who often hold beautiful ceremonies with their hand drawn art work, songs and short plays in order to remember. And in order not to forget.

Remembering Others

This day prompts me to also take stock and remember my family and friends who have died not though war but through illness and old age. I have anchored this practice of remembering to the 11th of November.    I think it is helpful  to have little ceremonies and rituals to remember our loved ones. The days flow by so fast and one year becomes ten. Many people I love have died in this past decade and November 11th is my visual cue to privately remember everybody. And it is a cue to make sure I care for the living, while I can, and to let those living, beautiful and beloved people know they are cared for.

A Reflection and Doing Exercise

My friend Patricia recently introduced me to a particularly practical, memorable, and delightful exercise, which is a tribute to those who have been instrumental in our lives. It goes like this and it too involves remembering.

“Make a list of the 20 people who have influenced your life. They can be people you know as well as public figures, artists, writers, teachers, etc. Some may no longer be alive. You get to decide who is on your list.   After doing this exercise I asked myself “What needs to be done?” And I saw that I wanted to write a few letters of appreciation, to those I could, telling of their influence.”

I am slowly writing these letters over this past few years.

Notes

Note 1:) I am thinking of John McCrae, a Canadian soldier, poet, and physician who wrote the now iconic poem, In Flanders Fields. The first stanza goes like this and is why the poppy was chosen for Remembrance Day.

Note 2:) I have the loveliest of readers on my blog. Yes, YOU! I so appreciate you.  For those of us in Ontario we have been treated to a beautiful autumn that is still going on. Lots of people out and about, which is truly wonderful to see.

Note 3:) Please take care, take heart, and stay safe. For those of you who are suffering, remember that all things change. Nothing stays the same forever.  We humans seem to be able to rise to what is needed. Sometimes we can’t and we ask for help. We all need help throughout our lives. Do your best to get your daily intake of the great outdoors.  Everyday. Warmest greetings and best wishes. See you next week, Trudy