Blessed with Friends

Don’t Hesitate by Mary Oliver 

If you suddenly and unexpectedly feel joy,

don’t hesitate. Give in to it. There are plenty

of lives and whole towns destroyed or about

to be. We are not wise, and not very often

kind. And much can never be redeemed.

Still, life has some possibility left. Perhaps this

is its way of fighting back, that sometimes

something happens better than all the riches

or power in the world. It could be anything,

but very likely you notice it in the instant

when love begins. Anyway, that’s often the

case. Anyway, whatever it is, don’t be afraid

of its plenty. Joy is not made to be a crumb.

Why we love this poem: “Sometimes it can be hard to bask in a moment of happiness, especially when you’re convinced that the feeling won’t last. The poem acknowledges this, but it also urges the reader to seize every moment of joy and possibility, and savour it, no matter how small!”

The key to happiness is friendship. If you don’t care for the word happiness, you can switch to contentment, fulfilment, joy…When we go through a serious illness like cancer, heart disease, and others, friendships can be surprising, disappointing, rock solid and devastating. What can we learn about each other and the indispensable gift of friendship? There is room for forgiveness, mending fences and strengthening our bonds for a lifetime.

Friendships are on my mind:

I am lucky enough to have good friends scattered across the globe. And it is a challenge to stay in touch. Not because I don’t want to but because life is busy and if we don’t set dates the days run into weeks and months. I have experienced that the best way for me to have time with friends is to make dates and write them in my calendar. Once a month, say, or shorter and more frequent calls. When we get together in person, it’s as though no time has passed. Such an astonishing experience that I never take for granted.

Friends  represent one of the most important resources we have in life – other people we can count on. More and more research is coming forward on the importance of time spent with others. Besides all the other basics of eating, exercise, sleep, and purpose, we all need people in our lives that we can count on and enjoy. It makes everything better.

I just had this wonderful experience in Alberta where I got to work and play in person with colleagues, friends, and Wellspring members (old and new). Consequently, I came back fully refreshed.

In a recent book, Timeless: Nature’s Formula for Health and Longevity featured on  The Greater Good Science Center at the University of California, Berkeley, author Louis Cozolino, has this to say:

People who lead extraordinarily long lives are those who have maintained close ties to others. Centenarians,  tend to have higher morale, indicative of reaching out to others, giving, and receiving support, and maintaining attachments…much of wisdom is expressed in how people interact with and treat one another.”

Even the Mayo Clinic has something to say about friendship:

Friendships can have a major impact on your health and well-being, but it’s not always easy to develop or maintain friendships. Understand the importance of social connection in your life and what you can do to develop and nurture lasting friendships.

What are the benefits of friendships?

Good friends are good for your health. Friends can help you celebrate good times and provide support during bad times. Friends prevent isolation and loneliness and give you a chance to offer needed companionship, too. Friends can also:

• Increase your sense of belonging and purpose
• Boost your happiness and reduce your stress
• Improve your self-confidence and self-worth
• Help you cope with traumas, such as divorce, serious illness, job loss or the death of a loved one
• Encourage you to change or avoid unhealthy lifestyle habits, such as excessive drinking or lack of exercise

In fact, studies have found that older adults who have meaningful relationships and social support are likely to live longer than their peers with fewer connections.

Why is it sometimes hard to make friends or maintain friendships?

Many adults find it hard to develop new friendships or keep up existing friendships. Friendships may take a back seat to other priorities, such as work or caring for children or aging parents. You and your friends may have grown apart due to changes in your lives or interests. Or maybe you’ve moved to a new community and haven’t yet found a way to meet people.

Developing and maintaining good friendships takes effort. The enjoyment and comfort friendship can provide, however, makes the investment worthwhile.”

Dr. Robert Waldinger

The famous longevity study, still ongoing after 85 years, out of Harvard, is clear on the dominant role of our good relationships with others as a crucial factor in happiness and longevity. Dr. Waldinger, the current director of that study, suggests that we try new things with old friends to help keep our relationships lively. And we also add new friends when we try new things.

(My mother, who lived to be 100, insisted that we need friends of all ages)

A few years ago, I posted the famous Ted Talk by Dr. Waldinger, and today I will post a newer one from 2022. He is now 74 and still teaching and writing at Harvard, along with leading this study.  Some of you might enjoy this latest TED Talk

The bottom line when it comes to health, healing and longevity –  our social interactions appear to be paramount.

We who are lucky in friendships may think we don’t need science to justify or explain the role of friendships but still I always need reminders to make sure not to neglect what is precious and to be reminded that new friends are vitally important to make. All friendships bring joy to our lives.

Sometimes, staying in touch and reaching out to old friends and family members may seem like too much trouble. I am not consistently good at it myself, and I want to get better. But it isn’t trouble. It is more like self-care. Taking care of our precious mind, body, and spirit. Oh, I almost forgot to mention that one of the best things you can do for your mind is to spend lots of time with people you enjoy. And what could be better than that? Our entire community benefits when we take care of each other.

And here is another lovely poem by John O’Donoghue

May you be blessed with good friends.
May you learn to be a good friend to yourself.
May you be able to journey to that place in your soul where
there is great love, warmth, feeling, and forgiveness.
May this change you.
May it transfigure that which is negative, distant, or cold in you.
May you be brought in to the real passion, kinship, and affinity of belonging.
May you treasure your friends.
May you be good to them and may you be there for them;
may they bring you all the blessing, challenges, truth,
and light that you need for your journey.
May you never be isolated.
May you always be in the gentle nest of belonging

NOTES

1:) I was the recipient of a generous impulse from my son-in-law and grandson on my arrival in Ottawa. You can’t imagine my gratefulness and surprise when I saw my car – spotless and detailed inside and out. An amazing gift that took hours of hard work. A hundred thank-yous! :-))

2:) I also returned in time to enjoy the parade of stunning peonies in the neighbourhood and at the Ornamental Garden, close by. We also just witnessed the strawberry moon – the photo is from Gabriola Island.

3:) A little Van Morrison Into the Mystic 

4:) We have readers who are undergoing treatment for heart disease and cancer as I write. I want to extend my biggest hopes and best wishes for the best possible recoveries. And that goes for any of you who are suffering in ways that I know nothing about. Do your best to do your part and ask for help. With love, thanks and all my best wishes to you all, Trudy